I really want to cultivate some strong, healthy friendships- especially with people from my church. I try really hard to be friendly and show interest and be available to go to things, but I just feel unsatisfied and frustrated with my results. What can I do?
Tapped Out,
Arthur from Heart of Gold
Dear Arthur,
Let me start by saying that I think it's great that you know what you want and you're trying to take steps to get it- that's a great attitude. I think where you're having trouble is when you say "I try really hard", I'm willing to wager you're probably trying a little too hard. Strong friendships have a way of developing naturally. You mentioned church so I'm going to address your question from a christian standpoint now. You tend to meet the people you have most in common with doing the things you already have a passion for. If you are passionate about God and you start putting all that effort you've been gearing towards your budding friendships into serving God, you're bound to find people serving alongside you who are natural friends. There are added bonuses to this approach- you'll inevitably be spending time with these people (without working to make it happen!). Time is the best food for a healthy friendship- you can't help but get to know each other better while you're painting a house or working a food line. You can't help but find other common interests and passions in the course of sharing an active passion for God. You can't help but develop inside jokes and shared stories when you meet through shared experiences. But most importantly, you'll be serving God and growing your relationship with Him- this will help you to be content when you don't have friends around, and will make you naturally more attractive to others who have the same passion for God. So, in a nutshell, you have 3 simple steps: 1) Stop worrying and trying so hard- have patience! 2) Get out there and do what you love! and 3) Don't let the opportunities you're creating for yourself pass you by- if you find a new place to serve, and you show up, keep your head down and don't get to know the people you're serving with, you'll probably be writing me again in a month or two, telling me how wrong I've turned out to be... One last word on this subject, I encourage you to lift your loneliness or your frustration, your desire for friendships up in prayer, and ask God to interfere in your life- present your requests to the Lord, and He will honor His servants.
Once again I'd like to thank "Arthur" for his question, and I'd like to remind and encourage you, my readers, to continue emailing me your questions! You can click the "email us" link on the right hand side of the page, or open a new email and send it to asksuzyadvice@gmail.com. Thank you for reading, and if you like what you've read so far, I ask that you share this blog on Facebook and Twitter by clicking any of the links on this page.
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