Previously, we explored the treacherous world of female disinterest- for women, how to display it to thwart unwanted pursuers and for men, how to recognize a hint when it has been dropped to save yourselves a little dignity in the midst of rejection.
Today, I'll be outlining the antithetical perspective (that means opposite, I've been studying for the GRE lately so expect a few vocabulary lessons bestrewn -sprinkled- throughout my upcoming posts), providing much needed insight for my readers of the fairer sex to know when it's time to move on from a crush, and tips for my male readers on how to let a gal down easy and hopefully avoid an awkward DTR (Defining The Relationship) talk. I encouraged my male readers to let me in on their personal methods for letting a woman know he's not interested, and a few of my friends came through for me. I will be intermingling their replies with my own observations, and yes, even a few hints that landed with me from men I was interested in in the past who successfully dropped the hint and have remained my friends afterwards.
1) If he says "You're a dear friend to me", he doesn't think of you as anything more significant than that. In his own mind, he is telling you that you are so important to him he doesn't want to risk losing you by putting your relationship in a place that may end with a breakup. Two important things to understand about this "friend-zoning".
- Ladies- I know this is an unfair, silly idea and what is wrong with men that they don't recognize how silly it is to eliminate the best women in their lives- BELIEVE ME, I know! BUT there is NOTHING you can say or do that will make a guy change his opinions about this. ACCEPT it, and maybe someday God or his own brain will make him realize what a mistake it is to pass you up. In the meantime, MOVE ON.
- Men- If you read the above tip and think, "that's exactly what's going on with me", I STRONGLY encourage, I Implore you to click the following link when you have 45 minutes to spare- it'll be an exceptionally wise use of your time.
- One further sidenote for my men, if you watch the video above, it will be your inclination to come up with any number of reasons why it's great advice for most people but you are the obvious exception for x, y, and z. NO YOU ARE NOT! It was WRITTEN for YOU! LISTEN to it! TALK to your friends about whether you are intentionally putting on mental earplugs to truth that you SHOULD hear because you think you are some kind of special case. In my observation, every one of the men that I spoke to who heard the message posted above told me why they consider themselves the exception to the intended audience. ALL of you can not be the exception! That's a logical fallacy! Whew, ok, getting down off my soapbox now.
*AHem* As I was saying, signs he's not interested:
2) Now this is one that a friend of mine actually said to me, I'm going to write his exact words for you verbatim because the message was received LOUD and CLEAR and had no negative effect on my opinion of him or on our friendship: "So many girls mistake my friendliness for flirtation, or my flirtation for intention. I appreciate that you know that if I am interested in you, I will ask you out, and you don't over- analyze my flirtation if I have not actually asked you out!" Two things are happening here. First of all, he verbalized and clarified with me in the form of a compliment, giving me credit that I already knew what he was saying out loud to me, and making me feel more like he trusted me and appreciated my understanding. Second of all, he reiterated what should be a well understood fact that is evidently not well understood at all by the ladies of our generation. That is, ultimately, if he likes you, he will eventually ask you out. If he has been acting the same way with you for a long time (6+ months?) and has never asked you out, he's probably never going to. He's not into you. Move on.
3) This is another one that I'm drawing from personal experience. I was asking a friend of mine who I actually wasn't particularly interested in whether he would be going to a certain social function about a month in the future. He said "Yeah, If I go I'll probably bring a date..." And then he did not use that segue to ask me to be his date. Point Taken. If a man is talking to a woman, and he either unnecessarily confirms his plans to have a date for a particular function or comments on the need to find a date, and then does not IMMEDIATELY ask the woman he is talking to, he does not think of her in that way. He is not interested! Even if he is not intentionally using that opportunity to draw a clear line for her, if he liked you he would use that opportunity to do something about it.
4) If, in the middle of a conversation with you, a man is constantly watching his surroundings, and (especially when another woman comes in) he abruptly leaves or stops the conversation to go talk to someone else, he's not interested in you. Even some of the most ADD men have Juggernaut levels of intensity and focus when they have an opportunity to talk to the woman they wish to pursue. If there is some exceptional situation where a man HAS to interrupt you and leave, he will be apologetic and try to reestablish the conversation as soon as possible with you to make sure you know you are important. There are exceptions to this rule, but in every case, the guy is a rude jerk and you shouldn't care if he is interested.
5) If he EVER compares his relationship with you to that of a sibling, Move On.
6) If he talks about other women as potential prospects with you, Move On.
7) If he suggests other men you should consider dating, MOVE ON! No man will try to set up or divert the attention of the woman he is interested in. Ever.
Now that I've taught y'all how to recognize the signs that a person of the opposite sex is not interested in you and letting you know it, I'm not just going to leave you to wallow in your loneliness- That would be a pretty Jerk move on my part. Tune in to my next post to learn all about Dealing With Rejection in a healthy, productive way that can minimize your hurt. In the meantime, please send me your questions, love letters and hate-mail at asksuzyadvice@gmail.com or click the convenient "email us" link on the right-hand side of this page. Thanks!
4) If, in the middle of a conversation with you, a man is constantly watching his surroundings, and (especially when another woman comes in) he abruptly leaves or stops the conversation to go talk to someone else, he's not interested in you. Even some of the most ADD men have Juggernaut levels of intensity and focus when they have an opportunity to talk to the woman they wish to pursue. If there is some exceptional situation where a man HAS to interrupt you and leave, he will be apologetic and try to reestablish the conversation as soon as possible with you to make sure you know you are important. There are exceptions to this rule, but in every case, the guy is a rude jerk and you shouldn't care if he is interested.
5) If he EVER compares his relationship with you to that of a sibling, Move On.
6) If he talks about other women as potential prospects with you, Move On.
7) If he suggests other men you should consider dating, MOVE ON! No man will try to set up or divert the attention of the woman he is interested in. Ever.
Now that I've taught y'all how to recognize the signs that a person of the opposite sex is not interested in you and letting you know it, I'm not just going to leave you to wallow in your loneliness- That would be a pretty Jerk move on my part. Tune in to my next post to learn all about Dealing With Rejection in a healthy, productive way that can minimize your hurt. In the meantime, please send me your questions, love letters and hate-mail at asksuzyadvice@gmail.com or click the convenient "email us" link on the right-hand side of this page. Thanks!
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