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Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Servin' Up Savory Steaks

Dear Suzy,

Today for dinner I took a rack of ribs, rubbed it with oil and rib rub, wrapped it in foil, then let it sit in the fridge. 2.5 hours before I wanted to serve dinner, I took it out, opened the foil, poured some coke on it, and cooked it in the oven for 2 hours at 325. It was one of the easiest and most delicious entree recipes I've ever made. I enjoy making recipes that are stupidly easy, and while that back story doesn't have much to do with my question, I am just humbly patting myself on the back for how awesome I am. Do you have any other suggestions for a quick, easy, foolproof way to cook various cuts of meat?


Hungry,
Kashmir in the Kitchen

Dear Kashmir,

I'm glad to post your question, self-promotion and all, because you've provided a great recipe for my readers to try! I'll add a few more simple ways to cook meat that I've found helpful as a lazy creature who loves food. There are multiple styles of cooking represented, so if you're not interested in reading the recipe, just move on until you reach black text again.

Stuffed Chicken:

- Chicken breasts (one per person, or according to personal serving size preferences)
- Pepperonis or other italian meat such as sausage or pastrami (bologna not recommended)
- Mozzerella, swiss, gouda, or even provalone cheese (a few thin slices per serving)
- 1 egg, whisked or shaken
- 1/2-1/3 cup grated Parmesian
- 1/4 cup of flour
- 3-4 dashes pepper
- 4-5 dashes italian seasonings (its worth it to buy them pre-mixed, but typically basil, rosemary, garlic powder, parsley)
- 2 dashes salt
- 4-5 tbsp olive oil
- Optional: sauce (basil pesto, marinara, even alfredo!)
  • If breasts are thick, simply slice it halfway down most of the way through and lay open- if they are pretty thin, (less than 1 inch) place on a cutting board and smack all over with something flat, such as a tenderizing hammer, measuring cup, rolling pin, or forehead until chicken is thin and flat enough to fold in half easily without tearing.
  • Place cheese and meat in the middle of the chicken breast towards one side, leaving a small outer edge uncovered.
  • Fold the chicken over the stuffing, leaving as few gaps as possible between the layers of chicken (this is not an exact science, nothing will die if you have a leaky chicken breast, I promise!)
  • In a wide bowl or on a plate, combine parmesan, flour, pepper, salt, and herbs.
  • Put olive oil into a skillet and begin heating on low to medium heat.
  • Carefully dip chicken breasts into egg, (this is called dredging) and then coat in flour mixture.
  • Test the heat of your oil by dripping just one small drop of water into the oil. If it does nothing, it is not hot enough- if it pops really loud and splatters over a foot high, take it off the heat for about 2 minutes, then move it back on and it should be perfect, crackling and moderately splattering when contacted with a tiny drop of water. 
  • At this point, place the chicken carefully into the oil in the pan, CAREFUL NOT TO TOUCH THE OIL!
  • When the bottom layer of your stuffed chicken has turned completely white, use tongs or two forks to flip the chicken. The chicken should be completely cooked, white and brown. If you aren't experienced, cut the thickest part of the chicken and make sure there is no pink left in the meat.
  • Place the chicken onto a paper towel while you lightly dress the plate with your sauce, then serve!

***This dish is not only italian; you can use the same techniques with a few changes to make a whole new dish! for instance, if you use chorizo rather than italian sausage, cheddar or monterey for the cheese, taco seasoning in place of the italian seasonings, and dress it with salsa or ranchero sauce, it will be delicious, latin, and noone will know its the same dish!


My favorite simple way of cooking MOST types of meat is stir-fry or skillet saute. You can use strip-steak, chicken, pork, shrimp, crawfish, scallops, even more daring seafood such as squid and octopus! In the interest of giving you as much information as I can without making this post torturously long, I am going to give you a few lists of ingredients that go well together with meats in a stir-fry style. You don't necessarily need a wok to do this style of cooking! A (preferably non-stick), greased skillet that adequately fits the quantity of meat you are cooking is perfectly fine to do the job.

I will color code the ingredients so that if you use at least one of each color you will get the desired flavor, but ideally you will experiment and mix and match the ingredients to make new and different flavors! Those ingredients in BLUE are purely optional, just for added awesomeness.

Sweet and Spicy:

Soy Sauce
Teryaki Sauce
Grape juice 
Orange juice 
Pineapple juice
Frozen juice concentrate (only a tablespoon or so)
Garlic Powder
Minced Garlic
Onion Powder
Chili Powder
Chili Pepper Flakes
Sriracha Sauce
Chili Paste (found in a lot of Korean dishes)
Fresh Jalapenos
Pickled Jalapenos
Sweet Pickled Peppers
Fresh Bell Peppers
Fresh Pineapple pieces
mandarin oranges

Hot and Sour:

Vinagarette Salad Dressing (Italian works well, too)
Vinegar (Apple Cider or Red Wine are best)
Lemon Juice
Lime Juice
Lemon Pepper
Sriracha Sauce
Chili Powder
Chili Paste
Cayenne
Spicy Mustard
Jalapeno or habanero Salt

Fresh Jalapenos
Fresh Hot Peppers (poblano, habanero, chilis, etc)
Pickled Jalapenos (preferably not sweet, but if that's what you like, go for it!)
Green and Red Bell Peppers
Fresh Pineapple
Garlic powder
Minced Garlic
Soy Sauce

Now what I love about this style of cooking is you can marinate the meat in these ingredients and cook it as-is, you can marinate it and then further flavor it by adding the same ingredients fresh to the pan, or if you're in a real hurry you can just toss it all into a hot skillet and cook it together with no forethought required. 

My favorite trick with this type of cooking is the use of Vinegarette Salad Dressings. Something about the combination of vinegar and oil reacts with the heat to not only create an exciting punch of flavor, but also makes little crisplettes in the pan of what appears to be burned bits, but it's actually just power-packed, exciting bites of flavor that you can serve and eat intermingled with the meats and veggies.

The flavors listed above work together in general, not only for stir-fry. You can combine the dry ingredients and make a rub for grilling, any of the ingredients as a marinade for searing or baking, and you can use more of the liquid ingredients, seasoned with the other ingredients, in a saucepan, reduce and let it steep a little while, and serve it on top or on the side of your less seasoned entrees. In THIS context, these flavors could even be used in preparing Tuna Steaks (one of my personal favorites.)

Please send me your own questions about cooking, romance, friendship, life, decorating, literature, whatever! My email address is asksuzyadvice@gmail.com, but for added convenience you can simply click the "email us" link on the right-hand side of this page.
PLEASE SHARE ON FACEBOOK AND TWITTER if you like what you're getting on this blog! Please write me with feedback if you'd prefer to get something different out of it! Thanks!

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

For Ladies Only


I'm posting two blogs today, so that you fellas can still get something to read, just scroll up or down- but this particular post if for my female readers only... it's about... girl stuff. You have been warned!




Dear Suzy,

I know this may be a little out there to talk about in a public forum like your blog, but I have a serious question.  I’m almost 30 and I’ve never had a steady period cycle.  I know girls who hit it on the same day every month.  Mine moves around like crazy.  I’ve heard that constant exercise can be a cause of fluctuation, is that true?  Is there I way to get it regulated?

Irratically,
Aunt Flo

Dear Flo,

Lots of things can contribute to an irregular cycle; stress, changes in your exercise routine, sexual activity, proximity to other women, diet, extreme weight loss, extreme weight gain, and genetics, to name a few. Some people just have erratic cycles , but that can be a hassle. Most of the time when they talk about exercise negatively impacting your period, though, we're talking about extreme exercise (to a point of potentially doing as much harm as good) that usually causes Amenorrhea, or a loss of menstrual cycle altogether. This phenomenon can also occur as a result of extreme dieting/ weight loss, and is a symptom of bigger problems. 

When it comes down to it, if you have any abnormalities in your cycle for more than 4 or 5 months, consult your gynecologist. They may prescribe you a pill that will help regulate your hormones with low doses of common hormones such as estrogen, but ask a lot of questions; I actually don't know if there is a pill option that will regulate your cycle that is not birth control, so if that poses a moral issue for you, be sure you are fully informed about your options

The best practical advice I can give you other than to see a qualified doctor is this: As you can see from my list above, our period is most often affected by extreme changes in lifestyle, and when it changes substantially, this may be as a result of some unhealthy habits. A regular, normal cycle is most common in a woman who is healthy. The closer you can get to your own body's ideal weight and fat distribution, the more regularly you can exercise without overdoing it, the lower your stress level, the healthier (and iron-rich) your diet, the calmer your schedule... All these things are practical things that you have control over that can help regulate and significantly improve your periods. If all these things are pretty well in line and you're still having problems, definitely see a doctor! This may mean something more serious could be wrong.

Monday, February 18, 2013

Household Tips for the Single Home


Dear Suzy,

I bought a pair of jeans a couple of months ago, and while I have washed them plenty, They still get blue on my hands, and also on my shirts.  I’ve even noticed that my driver’s side seat in my car has absorbed some of blue!  I’m not sure how to get them to stop with all the transfer.  Also, how do I get the blue out of my white shirts that it has stained?   

Blue,
Violet Boregard

Dear Violet,

I'm actually going to combine your answer with the answers to a few similar "household tips" sort of questions I've received, and make today's post all about making your home and possessions work for you! 

First, to answer your question, I'm guessing that when you're washing the jeans, you're using cold water, and possibly a color-locking detergent (if you're like me, you grab the "detergent for bright colors!" bottle thinking well yes, my clothes mostly have color... and don't think about what it's formulated to do to colored fabrics. First, soak the jeans in hot water, and then wash them either by themselves, or with other DARK clothes in HOT WATER! This could possibly fade the other darks, though. Look for normal detergent, you can even just buy a little, 4oz box at most laundermats if you don't have reason to buy a lot. The reason we normally wash darks and colors in cold water is to prevent fading, but if your jeans are holding in too much dye, this should help get rid of it. Depending on how dark the fabric is, it may take a couple of washes to work.

Also, to get the dye out of your white shirts- during my time as a pastry chef, and particularly in culinary school, we were required to have glowing, pristine white uniform jackets, we only had 5 to choose from, and we had to do our own laundry. I found the perfect combination that got rid of ANY stain- we're talking blood, chocolate, tomato, food coloring, you name it: use bleach, and add oxy-clean, and wash as normal.

Additional tips:

  1. BUGS!!!!! -- Now, I live alone, and I have an exceptionally immature reaction to bug sightings in my apartment. I don't want to touch them, even to kill them, and I don't want to deal with the carcasses. But the unfortunate fact is, I live alone, and I do have the occasional wood-roach scuttle across my threshold, and usually not at a convenient time for me to be calling and bribing my male neighbor to come dispose of the beast. So I bought a pair of TONGS. Just a cheap, $2 pair of red-handled tongs, that I keep hanging on a hanger in my closet so that when I encounter a bug any larger than an ant, I can stay a safe 18 inches from it's remains while disposing of them. This brilliant idea came to me after stepping carefully around the carcass of my first kill for about 4 days to avoid coming into closer contact with it. ----Additionally, in order to keep my apartment cleansed of extraneous colonies, despite the possibility of filthy neighbors, I keep my apartment clean- Not necessarily tidy, mind you, but clean of food particles and open containers of food, I vacuum after eating on the floor or couch, and if I DO find ants or bugs making their way into my pantry, I dispose of open containers of food, remove all the contents of the pantry, and clean every surface of the pantry and kitchen with common, diluted vinegar. It smells for just a little while, but the acid will kill any eggs left behind by the critters.
  2. Now, I know that not all of us are clean- I've seen some of your houses myself! I know that while it's a nice idea to wash your dishes as soon as you're finished with them, and take out the trash every night, it's NOT REALISTIC for many of you. For you, here are some special tips for keeping your untidy homes un-infested and smelling nice. if you put dirty dishes in the sink, and you tend to leave them for a while, soak them with water, but take care not to simply fill them with water- you need to submerge the dishes in water that has dish washing detergent in it. The detergent keeps bugs from being interested in eating and procreating in the remains of tuesday's yogurt (trust me on this, I have found maggots in my friend's sink before!) as well as fending off mold. 
  3. Use trash bags, and make sure you buy big enough ones that you can tie it off WELL, and change it out before you fill it so full you can't tie it. This way, even if you forget to take out the trash, (I understand, it's an inconvenient walk for some apartment dwellers) your trash is sealed from critters and leaks. 
  4. Hire one of your broke friends to clean your apartment FOR you every few months if you can't be bothered to do it yourself- they'll probably do it for a reasonable price, and you may have more motivation to keep it tidier after the embarrassment of their seeing how you live.
  5. ALWAYS, if you live alone, keep an extra package of cheap backup toilet paper on hand, so that when you run out of the good stuff, and you have to pull it out, you know you need to buy more.
  6. After throwing out most of a package of cheese and about 3 quarts of spoiled milk on separate occasions, I started a little co-op with someone in my building, we share dairy products. This is useful because he is single, too, and had the same problem of having his more perishable groceries going bad before he had come close to finishing them. You can also do this with produce- if you buy a tomato for a salad or tacos and have half left over, think ahead about whether you'll use it and if you're not sure you will, text a neighbor and ask if they could use it!
  7. Don't force yourself to eat leftovers or risk waste- If you live by yourself, don't make enough food on one night to feed you for 5 unless you are certain you won't hate yourself on day 4 for forcing yourself to eat the same thing every flipping day. It is better to split a pizza with your neighbor than risk hating pizza after eating it for 5 straight meals.
  8. As you may have picked up from the above tips, I am a HUGE advocate of good neighborly relations. Get to know your neighbors when you move in- bake cookies, or buy them, and bring them to the surrounding neighbors soon after you move in as an ice-breaker to introduce yourself. The advantages of doing this are countless, but I'll name a few:

  • You meet and identify any sketchy characters you might want to keep your eye on.
  • You meet and identify any attractive neighbors you definitely want to keep your eye on (if you know what I mean!).
  • It lays a foundation so that if you ever have an issue with their being too loud, or if they have an issue with you being too loud, you can speak to each other about it before involving the landlord or police.
  • You can feel a little safer walking in, especially if, like me, you live in a little bit sketchy area.
  • The neighbors are better able and more inclined to get involved or at least notify you in the case of a fire, flooding, burglary, etc. happening in your home
  • If the neighbors are nefarious characters, they're less likely to mess with you because you know their name and have seen their face, and vice versa.
  • If the neighbors are nefarious characters, they're less likely to mess with you when given a choice because you're that nice person who brought them cookies and chats with them on the way inside, and they actually think you're pretty cool.
That's all I've got for today, folks! Sorry I posted a little later in the day than usual, I was in class... Tune in Wednesday for my next bit of wisdom; and please continue sending in your questions to asksuzyadvice@gmail.com or click on the "email us" link on the right-hand side of the page. Also, I'm really hoping to broaden my audience, so if you find anything you read here new, interesting, useful, or all three, please share it on your Facebook page, help a sister out!

Friday, February 15, 2013

Women Decoded: Lesson 1

This post is for the Men! (Though I have no doubt my readers of the fairer sex will be interested to see how fairly I've represented them).

In an effort to only provide translations that you would actually consider relevant and useful, I've asked my male friends to compile the mysteries of the feminine mystique that THEY find most difficult to comprehend. So from YOUR mouths, I present the first part of my translations. I hope this will inspire all of my male readers to write in with their own questions, or I will run out of material tragically soon.

#1: Why do women go to the bathroom in groups?

4 reasons, actually: 
First, power of suggestion- once one person has to go, we realize we haven't been in a while.
Second, we want to talk privately- while we may have the technology nowadays to text each other under the table, a lot more can be said much more quickly in the bathroom. We might be discussing whether or not one of the men at the table seems interested in any of us, or comparing notes on the conversation and what we think it "means"; Realize, men, that women are deconstructing almost every interaction and comment made during their interactions with y'all, often multiple times, if we are now or may eventually be interested in you.
Third, Physiology- Women actually have a chemical reaction to those moments of "girl time". Our brains release a hormone called Oxytocin, which is a "feel good" hormone, whenever we are sharing secrets, being emotionally intimate, touching and complementing elements of each other's outfits, and playing with each other's hair. We receive a mutual dose of "good feelings" every time we fix each other's makeup, or smooth those flyaway hairs on each other. We don't even realize we're compelled physically to continue these habits, but it's like smoking a cigarette after a meal- the circumstance of joining each other for a little private chat in the bathroom becomes compulsively appealing because we always receive that hit of Oxytocin when we do!
Fourth, it's a bit of girl-code that we all know there is a chance one of us may need feminine hygiene products and that we have run out, or forgotten to bring any. We have ALL been there, and in order to spare the potential awkwardness and obviousness of our friend coming back from the bathroom only to whisper in our ear, make a not-so-subtle exchange between purses and go right back to the bathroom, we all come and we all bring our purses, just in case.

#2: Why do girls get bitter, jealous and act competitive with each other so often?

Psychologically, there is a phenomenon within the female brain called "queen bee syndrome" where we feel a compulsion, desire, to put ourselves at the top of the pecking order when we are in a group of other women and there are men present. We actually are more often fighting this instinct when we truly like our female friends and don't want to dominate them, because it's our natural reaction to the circumstance to do so. So men, if you want an indicator of self-control and mind-over-matter in a woman, look to see which of your friends remains humble and seeks opportunities to promote her female friends, rather than put them down when they are around you.
Emotionally, this is an impulse equal to the male impulse to find competition in everyday tasks- if I dropped a box of a thousand paper clips on the floor, and there were two men in the room, it would be minutes at most before they're making a competition of who picks up the most paper clips the fastest, and who has the best method of doing so. In the same way, women are deeply competitive, but more subtle. Rather than proving ourselves as the "Alpha" through outward competition, we are more subtle- we want to prove our "alpha" status through more difficult to measure accomplishments, such as which of us has the most self-confidence, which of us has the most reason to be confident, which of us is most successful, which of us is most capable of attracting the attention of a man in the room, etc. What it comes down to is, our motivations are really not very different from men's, but we take the outcomes more personally, so it's emotionally a bigger deal for us to come out on top.

#3: What is a "frienemy" and WHY are they so common in some groups of women?

Urban Dictionary defines a Frienemy as: 
A "toxic" person who poses as a friend but subconsciously or consciously wishes you harm.
Or: A person who you treat and whom treats you as a friend but if they are given a chance would "cut your throat" or get one over on you/put themselves first if it would benefit themselves, or they would gain an advantage over you.

The first piece of useful information you might glean from these definitions is that for the most part, women would not have their frienemies if they felt they had the choice; it normally takes place in such a social setting that the receiving friend can't easily avoid the friendship without some level of social or proprietorial backlash. Sometimes we keep those friends because it would ultimately be a lot more drama and heartache to get rid of them than to simply tolerate them. Sometimes we keep them around because at one time we really were friends, and either we have too many mutual friends, acquaintances and interests for it to be worth putting all of it at risk, or they knew us well enough at one time that we actually fear the possible exposure of whatever private knowledge they gained during the friendship. Contrary to what the media might portray, no female likes having or being a frienemy- it is not typically a voluntary situation, and it almost exclusively takes place in groups where one or both women wouldn't feel comfortable remaining in the group in the same capacity if they actually severed the friendship, or they feel the potential consequences of severing it outweigh the advantages of losing one toxic friend. Speaking as a woman, it most often occurs when at least one of the women involved is overly-dramatic, and I personally have never known any woman to have or be a frienemy on purpose.

#4: How can we tell if a woman is trying to hint that she would like us to ask her out?

I'll give you a few specific cues that you can use your own discretion (or email me if you are in doubt) to cross over into different, but similar arenas.

  • She talks about movies she would like to see but is waiting to watch until she has a date- a woman will not likely phrase it this way or bother mentioning waiting for a date unless she likes someone in the room- keep in mind, though, it might not be you if there are other men in the room. If she starts saying something like this, though, look at her- she will almost certainly look at the man she most wishes to see the movie with when she says it.
  • She is vague about her own plans for a weekend or evening, or expressly mentions that she has none, and immediately asks you if you have anything planned. She is hoping you will either say "I don't have anything in particular, want to do something together?" or "I was thinking about going to _____________... Hey, would you like to come?"-- In this case, if you realize she's hinted and you actually respond accordingly, follow through immediately with making the plan- establish a time, and if you want it to be a date, arrange to pick her up, make a mention of buying her ticket, and/or actually say at the end of the conversation: "Great! It's a date, then!"
  • She finds opportunities to touch you unnecessarily. If you realize a woman is doing this, though, pay attention to whether she touches other men as often (after all, some people are just touchy with everyone!). But if she seems to be touching you significantly more than other people, that's a pretty solid sign of attraction- I personally am a very touch-oriented personality, but I am conscious not to touch any man I am not attracted to extraneously. I may give him a hug, but I will never place my hand on a guy's forearm while talking to him about any random thing unless I find him attractive. 
  • Listen for complements! I love complementing all my friends, but I am careful to save certain types of complements for the guys I like- I might complement any guy's hair, clothing, watch, etc. But if a woman grabs your bicep and says "wow, you're sooo muscular!" that is flat-out flirting. Also, I may complement a friend once, but I'll complement a man I'm interested in every chance I get. Keep in mind, however, that it isn't unheard of for people to flirt with people they're comfortable with, regardless of their actual level of attraction- This is why you should pay attention to how she acts with everyone else.
  • She asks you for romantic advice about some mystery guy, and then she does whatever you advised her to do to you!
  • For me personally, when I like a guy, I'll do something for the whole group, like bake cookies, but I'll make sure HE gets first pick, I'll make HIS favorite flavor, and I'll give HIM a bigger portion... but even I admit that's overly subtle to be of any interpretable use.
  • The most fool-proof way, is to gather your courage, ask her out, and prepare for the possibility of rejection- if she says yes, you have your answer. And, incidentally, a date!


#5: How can we tell if a woman is trying to let us know we've been friend-zoned?


  • If she calls you any of the following: Bro, Dude, Man, Friend, Buddy.
  • If she says "you're like a brother to me"
  • If she says "your friendship is so precious to me, I'd never want to jeopardize it" (by the way I almost hate to write this because if I could, I'd tell every girl who says that that she's probably telling it to someone who could end up being a great match for her. It's really not a fair statement, but it IS a friend-zoning statement.)
  • She discusses her crushes on other men with you
  • She asks you for romantic advice and then does not do whatever you suggested with you
  • If she suggests other women you would be "cute" with, or recommends other women for you to ask out.
  • If she says "if it weren't for... *insert unchangeable characteristic that will never be different about yourself here* I could date you..." this sentence is tricky though- if she says "if it weren't for the fact that you smoke, I would totally go out with you", she may be dropping a hint that she likes you and wishes she could date you if you ever decided to quit smoking. If she says "If it weren't for the fact that you're 7 feet tall, or 20 years older than me, or a completely different religion than me, I would totally date you"- she's pointing out a truth, but also telling you that she's not going to change her mind about her feelings for you any more than you can make yourself a foot shorter, or 20 years younger, or suddenly believe an entirely different theology.
  • The most FOOLPROOF way to know she's not interested? If when you ask her out, she says "No, I'm sorry, I just don't see you that way". IF you aren't sure how your friend feels about you, but you like her, just man up and ask her out.
What do you think, ladies? Have I represented us well enough? Would you like to add or argue with anything I've said? Respond in the comments!

Please send me your questions! I am working on a MEN: Decoded sequel to this for my Lady readers, so ladies, send me what you've always wondered about what men are thinking. I also hope today's blog will inspire my Male readers to send in more questions they hope to have answered! Send them in to asksuzyadvice@gmail.com or click the "email us" link on the right hand side of the page

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

"It's been over ten minutes since you last texted me- are you breaking up with me?!?!"

Dear Suzy,
I seem to have a tendency to be attracted to girls who ultimately turn out to be... well, they run the gamut between dramatic and downright crazy. I'm beginning to get the feeling that there must be indicators, warning signs that I've been missing before I get into these relationships. Are there any subtle symptoms of drama or craziness that I should look for before I get involved with a new girl?



Paranoid,
Ron in Gryffindor




Dear Ron,
I'll list a few attributes and behaviors for you below that I would classify as RED or ORANGE flags. These mean either DON'T PROCEED or Proceed With EXTREME Caution. And for my female readers, pay attention to what seemingly normal behaviors might be indicative of your own unattractive habits. Also bear in mind that most of these can be reversed and used to discern red flags for potential boyfriends as well, but for the sake of simplicity I will only use feminine pronouns.

  • If she has a long list of "ex boyfriends" but has never been in a relationship that lasted longer than 3 months. Red Flag.
  • If every single one of her exes is "a total jerk." Either this means she lacks wisdom and discernment about who she should be getting into relationships with, that she has trouble/is incapable of recognizing her own flaws and faults that might contribute to a relationship, or straddles some line between driving her boyfriends to extreme measures within the relationship to get rid of her and finding fault in every innocent gesture or mistake her boyfriend might make. Red Flag.
  • If she has NO long-term friendships with other females. Orange Flag.
  • If she has no healthy friendships at all with other females. Red Flag.
  • If you have mutual friends that you feel you can probably trust, and you ask them about her, and they... hesitate before answering, and use vague terms- don't let your attraction cloud your judgement so much that you ignore this fairly obvious sign! Really pay attention, ask specific questions- if they give vague or qualifying answers, they probably know something they don't feel comfortable sharing, but it prevents them from giving their friend a glowing reference. If you are comfortably close with the mutual friend, try to press them for as much honest opinion as they feel comfortable sharing. Orange/Red Flag, depending on what they say.
  • If she is loud, fixated, even obsessed with her status as a single person- talks about dating, relationships, her preferences, her desirability, even if she simply talks too loud and too often about how satisfied she is being single (thou dost protesteth too much?). This can be an indication that it's not necessarily YOU she likes, but the companionship you can provide for her. The caveat to this particular sign is you need to take great care when determining this about her- if she has friends who are obsessive about relationships, it can be deceptive, and appear that your prospective interest is equally obsessed because she is present during those conversations her friends are initiating. I'd classify this as a Light Orange Flag.
  • Ask your guy friends (allow them total freedom for honesty without repercussion)  whether they see any possible issues with the girl, and if so, why do they think that. It is up to you to determine the trustworthiness, honesty and actual familiarity your friend has with you and the gal in question, but be honest with yourself- if you are talking to your BEST FRIEND and he knows you really well, and he has had reasonable opportunity to interact with this gal, listen to him. Heed his opinions. This is potentially an Orange or Red Flag.
  • Does she seem immature for her age? Does she seem immature for your age? Don't go into the relationship acting under an assumption that she will "grow up". Red Flag.
  • Did she seem to develop interest in you after learning something specific about your material posessions, such as your car, your income, your properties? Compound this question with whether she seems to put a great deal of stock into material things in her own life. Does she list Shopping as one of her favorite hobbies? This is only an Orange Flag, though.
  • Reflect on your own tendencies. Have you been in the habit of dating women when they express interest in you first? Is it possible you tend to only date as a result of flattery or convenience, rather than your own actual taste? Now look at your current interest- what do you like about her other than her apparent interest in you? If this series of questions brings any doubt to your mind, consider it a Red Flag. 
  • Watch her interactions with her friends in public closely. If her closer friends appear exasperated with her, or anxious to not be overly closely associated with her, that can be an Orange Flag. Or her friends might be jerks. Pay attention to the personalities of her friends to determine which one is most likely.
  • As a friend/potential future boyfriend, can she stand to go a few days without contacting you? If she is already highly communicative with you, this is an indication that she will be AT LEAST the same level of "in touch" once you are in a relationship. Bear in mind that some people are just that communicative with everybody, so this is only an Orange Flag if you ask around and find that she is not nearly as in touch with anybody else.
  • This one is a Biggie! Please pay attention, because one of my posts in the coming week will be expanding on this extremely important warning sign! Has she not been single for more than a few months since she started dating, or in a very, very long time? That is to say, is she ever long without being in a relationship? Can she stand to be single? If she can't manage to be happy by herself, this is a HUGE RED FLAG!!!!! I recognize there are some rare cases that have reasonable people in reasonable circumstances. But more likely, this person is addicted to companionship. It is less about who they are in a relationship with and more about being in a relationship at all. I'll expand more on this in my future post, though.
Ok, this list seems long enough, hopefully I have given you enough to chew on and haven't unwittingly incriminated any of my friends in the process. I am working on an in-depth series of blogs in which I will be providing translations from Girl Code into terms that men can better understand, and then provide the reverse service for my female readers. I NEED YOUR HELP!!!!!! Please click on the "email us" link on the right hand side of the page, and send me any questions you've been dying to have answered about the opposite sex. Hopefully I can make us all more conversationally fluent in Martian and Venusian.

Monday, February 11, 2013

Move-In Must-Haves for First-Timers

Dear Suzy,

I'm getting ready to move into my own place for the first time- what are the essentials I absolutely NEED to have when I first move in? I can think of some obvious things, but I'm sure there are things I won't think of until I need them, and I'd like to save myself 10 separate trips to the store for all those things you forget are necessities until they're, well, necessary.

In a Dilemma
Henry Varner in St Louis

Dear Henry,

Having moved into my own place without roommates for the first time myself only this year, this list would have been GREAT for me to have had last April. As it is, my 5+ late-night last-minute trips to Walmart are still branded on my mind and I will be happy to share the spoils of my experience.

1) Toilet paper- first thing you buy, first thing you bring into your new place.

2)  Plunger- depending on what you eat on move-in day, you may want to bring this in with the toilet paper, just in case.

3) Bug Killer- I recommend spending the extra cash on the "perimeter spray" and coating the perimeters, particularly the bottoms of doorways and window sills, before you move any of your stuff in. Another great tip a friend of mine recently told me is that if you take plain old rubbing alcohol, and pour it (undiluted) into a spray bottle, and shoot any bugs that cross your threshold with it, it will die ON THE SPOT. If you are blessed with having never experienced the horror and squeemishness of a gigantic wood roach scuttling off to die, hidden under your bed, after you spray it thoroughly with your expensive RAID spray, take it from me- it is WORTH it to know you can kill them right where you shoot them.

4) Hand towels, and if you don't already have them, Bath towels

5) A Shower Curtain AND LINER!- you'll realize you need that right about the time you've stripped down to take a shower, and no, they don't serve the same purpose, you DO need both. (or at the BARE MINIMUM you need the liner)

6) A Bath Mat- I confess, I waited 6 months to get one of these because I'm painfully frugal and I considered it a luxury, but now that I have one I have seen the error of my ways- they're only about $15 at the discount superstores, and really very useful.

7) Water Filter- Check the day of move-in to see if the water in your apartment/house is actually potable. Don't fool yourself, thinking that odd taste won't really bother you- I got much too dehydrated for the first few weeks because I was too cheap to buy a $10 filter pitcher and really couldn't stand the taste of my tap water.

8) Spare Blanket- At least 1, because you never know when your heat will go out in the middle of the night.

9) Toiletries- deodorant, toothbrush, toothpaste, floss, shampoo, conditioner, razors, shaving cream, soap, hand soap at the sink

10) Dish-Washing Detergent- it's good to buy a bottle of the hand-washing detergent to have as backup in case your dishwasher breaks.

11) Dish-scrub brush, all-purpose cleaner, cleaning cloths, sponges, broom/swiffer/vacuum

12) First Aid- kit. You can get a little one for about $2 at target with at least disinfecting cloths and band-aids of various sizes, though if you can afford it I recommend getting a little bit nicer kit, you can get a pretty nice one at most department stores for between $15 and $20 that include a thermometer, neosporine, burn treatment, tweezers, medical tape and gauze.

13) Fire Extinguisher- I believe rented places are required to be equipped with one, but make sure you know where it is! And if you are purchasing your own place, you will need to bring one on day 1.

14) Turn on the ice maker the moment you arrive, and throw out the first batch of ice, as it's made from water that's probably been sitting in the pipes for a while

15) Do a check to see what appliances come with the place, and which ones you'll need to provide- I had to bring my own microwave, some places come equipped with them.

16) A Back-Scratcher. I can't tell you how often I use mine to get at that one spot on my back I can't reach without it- an absolute MUST for people who live alone.

17) Ear Plugs. Even if you think you're in a pretty quiet neighborhood or something, you don't want to be without these when you realize the night before that big, early-morning presentation that your neighborhood has two warring feral cat-gangs fighting for territorial rights on your porch. Trust me.

18) Trash Cans and Trash Bags- at minimum you want one for the kitchen and one for each bathroom, preferably a smaller one in each room. Yes, Men, even YOU need to have a trash can in your bathroom- at least if there is ever even the most outside chance you may have a female visit you. PLEASE.

19) This is for the more obvious things, just in case they're not actually that obvious: Cups, plates, cutlery, napkins/paper towels, coasters, can-opener, groceries, socks, hangers, Back-up chocolate for emergencies, Ziplock baggies or a first-aid ice pack in the freezer.

20) Ladies- Feminine Hygiene Products! stock up! You're guaranteed to use it all, so why scrimp at the get-go and potentially leave yourself in a bind later?

21) Cheap, White vinegar, sunscreen and aloe vera lotion- if you don't already have sunscreen, you are more likely to opt not to bother with it, and if you end up sunburned, it's much better to just reach into your cabinet for the lotion you already bought than to have to get in the car at 11pm and run to CVS to buy it. The vinegar is an excellent remedy for minor burns of all kinds.

What do YOU think, readers? Have I missed anything? Leave your suggestions in the comments, as well as any humorous anecdotes about things you realized you couldn't live without. Also, 1,000 internet points to whoever can figure out what book I got my pseudonym from today! 

Please send your questions to asksuzyadvice@gmail.com or click the "email us" link on the right hand side of the page. Thank you!

Thursday, February 7, 2013

That Awkward Moment When...


Dear Suzy,


My question has to do with workplace etiquette. I recently had a supervisor approach me and share some details about his personal life that he had never told anyone else. It was nothing scandalous or inappropriate, but I felt as if he was a little put back when I didn't tell him anything personal about me in return. I am a very private person and while I don't have trouble keeping secrets or listening to a person vent about their problems, I don't feel the need to share in return, especially in a workplace setting. Do you have any suggestions on how to deal with this unspoken-ly mutually awkward situation besides just changing the subject? Thanks Suzy!

Trusted
Constance Bonacieux in  France

Dear Constance,

It seems from the tone of your letter that you don't have a problem with this superior opening up to you, more that you don't know how to respond, so I'll speak to that. You can say "I'm happy to know that you feel you can trust me with this..." And if you're a Christian or subscribe to a different, similar faith, you can add "I'll definitely be keeping you in my prayers about this matter." This is a sort of verbal end to the paragraph, and it gives you the control to segue the conversation into a new chapter, close the book altogether, or start a new one along the same lines if you ever come to a place where you do find that you're comfortable sharing a bit about yourself. Be cautious about becoming a sounding board or altar for other people's personal problems, particularly coworkers. 

To some extent it can be very beneficial to have a general feeling of trust and sharing in the workplace, but it's a fine line between trust and over-share. If the nature of this person's issues are deep, and involve major crises, personal family or relationship issues, or problems of a more spiritual or even existential nature, you may look for an opportunity to gently recommend that the person seek help from a professional counselor. Above all, don't allow yourself to feel guilty about not reciprocating this person's openness- we don't give gifts with the expectation of receiving one back, and we don't share with people we trust merely as a means to get them to tell us their own secrets. It's likely that this person just felt burdened, had a lot on his mind, and was relieved to know someone else knows where they're coming from. It has been my experience that people want to be known and to be understood more than pretty much anything else. You are blessing this person just listening to them, and that doesn't make it your obligation to offer your own private life as some sort of exchange or proof of appreciation. 

If you are a Christian, or for all my Christian readers, this is an awesome opportunity to open up to this person about what God has done/is doing in your life. Those are personal stories that will make the other person feel closer to you, feel trusted, but they are things that you should be excited to have opportunities to share- it's less intrusive for you than talking about your love life or your family life, but it's still intimate- and it may turn out to be a God-ordained evangelism opportunity, especially if the person you are talking to is dealing with difficult life circumstances.

In case you haven't noticed (or maybe you have!), in place of my readers' names, I have been using the names of various characters from literature who might have theoretically asked whatever question precedes it. I am issuing a challenge to you, my readers, to guess or figure out the story or piece of literature I got the name from and post your guesses in the comments section. You will be rewarded with many imaginary internet points, and bragging rights to my fellow readers.

If you have any questions for me, please click the "email us" link on the right hand side of this page, or open a new window and send your questions to asksuzyadvice@gmail.com

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

"C" is for Cookie that's Good Enough for Me

Dear Suzy,

When I bake cookies they tend to be flatter than other “professional” cookies.  How can I solve this?  And do you have a good recipe for snickerdoodles?


Hungry,
The Hatter in Wonderland







Dear Hatter,

Most of the time, when a cookie recipe is coming out of the oven too flat, the fat to flour ratio is probably off- two things you can do to remedy this problem are to make sure your butter is not overly soft- you don't want it to be so cold that it wears out the motor of your mixer, but it shouldn't be so warm that it goes "Ploooshppp" limply in your hand when you try to pick it up. It should be able to hold its shape against very gentle touch. The second thing you can do is add a bit of flour. I know it can be difficult for a novice baker to know how much flour to add, so here's a super simple trick: When it's come together, most cookie doughs should be just tacky to the touch, but not leave any residue on your fingertip- like a post-it note. If you're close to finishing the mixture and it's still gooey enough to leave a bit of dough on your finger, add about 1/4 cup of flour slowly as it's mixing until you can touch it without getting any dough on you.

As for the snickerdoodle recipe, I'm not one to give away ALL my secrets, but I'll be happy to share one excellent recipe with you:




Ingredients:

1 cup                 Butter
1.5 cups            Sugar
2                        Eggs
1/2 tsp              Vanilla Extract
1/4 tsp              Salt
1 tsp                  Baking Soda
2.75 cups         All Purpose Flour

Directions:
"Cream" together the butter and the sugar (combine until they are one- for this particular recipe you can use softer butter, but if  you do, chill the dough before rolling and baking it.)
Add the eggs and vanilla and mix until fully combined, but no longer.
Add the remaining ingredients and mix until just incorporated- over mixing makes for tough cookies!
In a bowl, combine 2 tbsp of cinnamon with 1-1.5 cups of sugar. I like to add a dash of nutmeg just to make mine a little more unique than other recipes, too.
Roll the dough into balls about 2" in diameter, and toss them in the cinnamon-sugar mixture.
Place the balls evenly spaced on a cookie sheet and bake in a 350F oven for 5 minutes, then turn the pan and bake for another 3-5 minutes until the cracks in the cookie are not visibly glossy and the very edges of the cookies are beginning to turn golden.

Thank you for the excellent question, and I encourage all my readers to continue sending in their wonderful questions to asksuzyadvice@gmail.com, or just click the "email us" link on the right hand side of the page. Beginning this week I've decided to slow the pace of my posts to about 3 times a week, in order to favor quality of content over frequency and to hopefully get a little more consistency in my posting times. Thank you for reading and I do hope you'll share this blog on your social networking sites if you're enjoying the content.

Friday, February 1, 2013

Life Hacks: Achieving Interpersonal Proficience (Part 1)

I've come to a point where there is a bit of a lull in the number of questions I've been receiving from my readers, so I will take time this week to write a few more "opinion" and "helpful tips" blogs while I wait for you, my dear, faithful followers, to write in with your questions. In case you've only begun reading recently, I'll remind you that I'll be happy to answer your questions about anything, from food to hygiene, romance to friendship, spirituality to household chores, literature to philosophy, budgeting to art, and on and on. Don't get me wrong, I don't think I know everything, but I know a lot of people who know a lot of things, and if ever I am in doubt about my knowledge of a subject, I'll be sure to say so, and do my best to recommend a better source for the information. To send in your questions, just click the handy "Email us" link on the right hand side of the page, or open a new window and send your question to asksuzyadvice@gmail.com. Thank you!

This is the first installment of a few "Life Hack" blogs I will be posting intermittently over the coming months.

Urban Dictionary defines a Life Hack as "Any hacks, tips and tricks that get things done quickly by automating, increase productivity and organizing." The only thing I'll add to this definition is that they're also tips and tricks that can help you do everyday things better and more effectively with little added effort. Today I'll be giving you a simple list of highly effective Life Hacks that should improve your every day personal interactions with immediate results. WARNING: Some of these hacks will require a new level of self-awareness that may cause brief discomfort, but are better for you in the long run, I promise!

1) This may be the most important thing you read in your entire adult life. It could change your life. Think of a friend. A trustworthy, honest friend. Preferably the level of honest you sort of wish they wouldn't be sometimes. Go to this friend privately and ask them, honestly, promising no backlash reguardless of the answer:

"Do you or have you ever noticed me ever having body odor?" Then follow it with "Was it an any circumstance other than right after playing basketball and right before getting into the shower?"

I know, you're laughing, thinking, "oh, awesome, this is an ironic humor sort of blog."

NO. It is not. It may be a long needed wake up call that will change your life! I know a LOT of handsome, 20 and even 30-something men with excellent personalities who have no idea that the primary reason they strike out with women is that their female friends dread standing too close to them in a conversation, muchless hugging them or dancing with them, which really can be such a waste because were it not for their olfactories, these gentlemen would be extremely attractive. I hate to say it, ladies- you can be guilty, too! I personally was blessed with a brutally honest family whom I live close to and see regularly, and I know (from experience) that I can trust them to point out to me if the brand of deodorant I'm using just isn't doing it's proper job any more.

Body odor doesn't reflect on you as a person, except when you neglect to address it! And unfortunately, it has been scientifically proven that we become immune to our own scent, and our own personal noses can not be trusted to determine whether it is a problem. It may simply be that your brand of deodorant no longer works as it once did, or that it never quite worked well enough. It may be that the showering and maintenance routine that you established in the 6th grade just isn't sufficient for your now post-pubescent sweat glands. It may be that your long-held belief that your wardrobe is good for at least 2 wears before getting washed is misinformed.

For your convenience, here is a quick list of basics for men:
- Shower no less than once a day- period. You do still sweat, even if you've literally just sat at the computer for the last 16 hours.
- Shower after working out, any activity in temperatures over 80 degrees Fahrenheit, or any strenuous activity lasting more than 10 minutes. Don't whine- y'all can be in and out of the shower in like, 2 minutes. This should not be taking away from your day substantially.
- I kind of can't believe I need to say this, but I know there are people out there who don't DO this: USE SOAP when you shower! Water alone ain't gonna do the job. If you don't like that, tough nuggets.
- Brush your teeth 2 to 3 times a day, once in the morning when you wake up (morning breath is gross), once before you go to bed, and at the very least suck a strong mint if not mouthwash after eating any meal consisting of garlic, onions, curries, and the like. If you're ever in a bind, chew and swallow the parsley that's garnishing your entree- that's actually it's purpose, to neutralize the strong favors in the meal.
- Before going to a social thing, particularly in the evening- at the very least, wipe your stinkiest areas down well with a clean, wet cloth ("Aggie Bath") and change your shirt- NOT just your top shirt- Change that undershirt! What good does it do to put a fresh pillowcase over a stinky pillow?
- Avoid the urge to "cover" body odor and other unpleasant smells with copious amounts of cologne- imagine tossing a bunch of freshly picked mint into the trash- it still smells like garbage, just.... minty garbage.
- Avoid copious amounts of cologne period! Do not be fooled into thinking that the amount of cologne applied in an Axe Body Spray commercial is a reasonable dose! Remember, they're selling the stuff- they want you to use ridiculous amounts of it so you'll buy more sooner.  Two quick (I MEAN quick) sprays in an "X" motion from shoulders to hips across your abdomen should do the trick.
- CLEAN your COATS! I know you only wear it in cold weather, and it's not the same type of garment as other clothes, but it's still fabric and you still sweat. If it's washable, toss it in the laundry at least once a month during the season you wear it. If it's not washable, spend the $5 to get it dry cleaned, preferably once a month, no less than once every 2 months. I can't tell you what a wonder killer it is when an otherwise attractive, even decent-smelling guy loans me his coat only to have the coat smell like he hasn't washed it since he bought it 3 years ago.

For Women:
- Shower about once a day. We legitimately do sweat less than men, and we don't necessarily always need to shower more than once a day, and there are days in the winter, when it's cold and we haven't been active, that we legitimately can wait 36 hours between showers without it making much difference. I don't recommend you advertise this method, but it can be acceptable  PROVIDED your deodorant WORKS. Don't let yourself be in denial about this.
- Easy tip- even during long winter months when you are the only person looking at or touching your legs, at the very least shave your ankles- save yourself anyone else accidentally glimpsing your laziness
- Change deodorant brands at least once a year- even if you just switch back and forth between two, it'll help prevent your body chemistry from adjusting to whatever brand you use over time
- Don't overdo the perfume- the less it costs, the more often you'll need to apply it, but don't try to compensate for it wearing off more quickly by putting on a larger quantity initially. Remember, the goal is for people to think you smell good, not your perfume. Also, on the outside chance that you have unique taste in perfumes, you won't offend or set off the allergies of every well-meaning friend who wants to give you a hug.
- Spritz a little perfume into your hair. Guys love a girl with nice smelling hair, and it's a subtle way to make people notice that you smell nice overall- not your perfume.
- Shave your pits every time you shower- just make it as much a part of the routine as soap- it takes like, 10 seconds and saves you the embarrassment of unexpectedly removing your cardigan or something because you spill something on it and flashing those prickles for all to see as you take it off.
- Wait at least 30 minutes after shaving your pits to apply deodorant- this will help prevent unsightly razor bumps

I'll do 2 more simple hacks, since #1 has made a long post all to itself

2) Check your teeth, always, after eating anything!
3) When removing your shoes in public, particularly if you are prone to smelly feet, start by taking your feet out of your shoes and then resting them right on top of the openings of the shoes, so that the smell dissipates in smaller doses at a slower rate, making it less noticeable than a sudden wave of stinky enveloping the 5 foot radius. 

Tune in to the next Life Hacks for a breakdown of handshakes, hugs and more!