Quintessential Archie Andrews Quandary

Dear Suzy,

I like two different guys, what’s the best way to choose who I should date long term?  They are both gaining interest and I enjoy hanging out with both.

Flummoxed,

Ginny in The Burrow

Dear Ginny,

The best way for me to answer your questions is to provide a few questions of my own for you to ask yourself. Answer them in order, and if and only if your answer is "I don't know" or "both", move on to the next question:

1) Which person do you like better?

2) Which one do the trusted people in your life like better?

3) Which one has actually asked you out on a date? (if "neither", move on, or wait until one asks you out before you decide)

4) If both were to ask you out on a date for the same night, which one would you prefer to go with, or another way of putting it, which one would you be willing to move the other around to accommodate?

5) Which one do you most feel like yourself with? Which can you be yourself comfortably with?

6) & 7) Is either of them (or both of them) a good match for where you are in your life spiritually, professionally, socially? Which is the better match?

8) Which person, when you spend time with him, do you enjoy yourself more with?

If you answered "neither" to #2, #5 or #6, don't date either one- move on! or at least, really reflect before you get more serious with them

If you haven't gotten clarity by the time you finish answering all 8 of these questions, here are some tips:

1) be clear, open and honest with both of your suitors- continue dating them but don't allow yourself to get serious with one without letting the other know and discontinuing the second budding relationship. 

2) Set yourself strict, clear boundaries that you will not cross until you've chosen just one relationship to pursue whole-heartedly. (An example might be don't kiss either until you pick one- this will keep stronger emotions and attachments at bay). 

3) Eventually, you will begin to develop a stronger bond with one than with the other- regularly "check in" with yourself so that you identify when that starts happening as quickly as possible, so that you don't continue leading on the other contender longer than necessary and waste his time. 

Last and most importantly, 

4) Be content with your choice once you've made it. The right choice is the one you make, and if it turns out not to be the case, the relationship will run its course naturally. If you are constantly second guessing the choice you made, it will harm what may otherwise have been a great relationship. Moreover, if you are constantly comparing your chosen boyfriend to the "one that you let go", he will quickly come to resent it- even if you only do it privately, he will be able to sense it to some extent. But if you allow yourself to enjoy the relationship you choose, it will come to one of two natural conclusions. Don't allow yourself to doubt the choice you made if the relationship ends- life happens.

Once again I encourage my readers to write in! Please send me your questions, comments, criticisms- I welcome them all! Remember, I will take any question you throw at me, not just dating and relationships. I am a certified Chef, I can even answer questions about recipes and food! Just click the "Email Us" link on the right hand side of this page, or write in to asksuzyadvice@gmail.com. Thank you!