Sweet Smoothie Secrets

Dear Suzy,

I've noticed when I order a smoothie at any place that uses fruit puree rather than real fruit- or even in addition to real fruit- the puree always has sugar added in the ingredients. Why can't the smoothie purees just be a puree of the fruit? Obviously the people who order smoothies are probably health conscious, why would they make it MORE sugary?

Flummoxed

Strawberry Shortcake

Dear Strawberry,

Excellent question! It does seem odd for the smoothie puree companies to add sugar to a product that is supposed to be healthy and fresh, but there IS a good reason! As a healthy foods consumer, you may have noticed that a strawberry in December never tastes as good as a strawberry in May. This has to do with seasons! While greenhouses and exports allow for most fruits to be available anywhere, any time, seasonality and the location of the farm have a large impact on the flavor of fresh produce. 

The big difference between a winter strawberry and a summer strawberry is that the summer strawberries naturally have more sugar. In order to provide a consistent product with a consistent sugar content and a reliable, familiar flavor all year round, chefs use a tool called a refractometer.

A refractometer uses light refraction to determine the amount of sugar in a liquid. By adding sugar - or water - to a smoothie base until each batch achieves the same light refraction, it becomes possible to take something out of one's control, like the natural sweetness of fresh fruit, and make it consistent. 

When I worked at the four seasons, we used the refractometer to measure the sugar in our sorbet bases and sauces. Sometimes, when the fruit was in season, we actually had to add a little water to lower the overall sugar in order to have a consistent product! Other times we would have to add a little or a lot of simple syrup (sugar and water brought to a boil to dissolve the sugar) to make the sorbet taste palatable.

All this to say, while it is understandable that you are not interested in adding sugar to your smoothie, if you got a smoothie that reflected the natural sweetness of the season you ordered it in, you might never go back after a winter whim turned sour (literally). The smoothie companies aren't trying to trick consumers by making their smoothie bases sweet like soda, they are doing what they can to offer a consistent, reliable flavor year-round. Generally speaking, the amount of sugar per serving is not significantly more than would be naturally occurring in whatever fruit flavor you order during that fruit's peak season. 

There are, however, better and worse companies of course, and some companies do add more sugar and other additives as preservatives, so that their purees last longer. The better ones actually arrive at their distributors' locations frozen, so that they can be thawed one unit at a time and be used up within a week or so without requiring extra preservative sugar.

Women DECODED: Part 2~ Signs She's Just Not That Into You

Dear Suzy,

I have a male friend I have known for a few months now. He is very friendly to everyone but the past few times I've seen him I've felt like he's been... Well... Super friendly. The hugs have gotten tighter, he sits to where he's touching me even if he has room to scooch, and he talks to me a LOT. I haven't had official confirmation of any kind but I feel as if this person is attracted to me and/or has a crush on me. I am not attracted to him through no fault of his own. How can I handle the situation and effectively friend-zone him without being mean/rude/pretentious?

Elizabeth in Longbourne

Dear Elizabeth,

I am going to take this opportunity in my reply to you, to add to my ongoing series which provides translations for both sexes to understand each other. I will write my tips as signs to the man, so they can easily identify when my female readers are giving them off. 

If you want to up your chances that the guy you're not interested in will get the hint, share this post on your Facebook and Twitter using the links below- maybe he'll read it!

Truly, the least uncomfortable rejections are those that never have to be verbalized. If the recipient can be aware enough of his (or her) surroundings to realize that his crush is not interested without forcing them to say so, it usually saves embarrassment for both!

However, it is not OK to put off these conversations in order to allow yourself to prolong false hope. If you are forever putting off asking a woman out, not only may you miss your window of opportunity, but there is a very good chance you are already picking up on one or more of the signs listed below, & however subconsciously it may be, you know that she's not interested and you are putting off her inevitable rejection. If you do not see these signs, or cannot help but believe your case is exceptional, MAN UP, muster your courage and ASK HER OUT- directly and in a way that requires a YES or a NO.

So what are the signs she's just not that into you?

• First of all, women are perceptive. We can often tell when a man we are acquainted with has developed feelings for us. If we realize or suspect that this is the case, we may change our behavior to discourage your interest. If there is a noticeable change in her comfort level with you since you started showing her special attention, this is probably a sign. Specific behaviors to consider:
• Her once full hugs have become half-hugs, her half-hugs have become high-fives or nothing at all.
• She is less available, always has a reason not to sit next to you, or avoids sitting next to you without citing a reason.

***I have heard more than one of my male friends justify when they see behavior like this from the object of their affection, convincing themselves that the woman they are "wooing" is so overwhelmed with flattery that she doesn't know how to react. It reminds me of the following scene in the book/movie Pride and Prejudice, which I will let speak for itself:

• When a woman is interested in a man, she will try to find opportunities to be around a that person. If she is even less available than usual, she is not interested. She may not have actually thought about it one way or another, but it is still a good indicator that she's not specifically attracted to you.
• If you call, text or otherwise initiate contact and she takes a long time (4+ days) to respond or does not respond at all, that's a pretty good sign she's not interested. We may not always reply super promptly, but we won't forget or ignore a man that we are interested in. However, just because she does reply promptly, that does not necessarily equate to her being interested in you- she may just be conscientious and prompt getting back with everyone who calls or texts her.
• Whenever you suggest that the two of you go do something together, she only seems interested as long as multiple other people come along (and those other people aren't couples).
• She talks about other men she is interested in in front of you. Yes, sometimes a woman will do this to appear desirable and wanted, so this is not a surefire sign, but in conjunction with other signs, this can tip the scales. Also the amount she's talking about other guys. A gal won't gush about another man in front of one she's interested in.
• She flirts with other men in front of you. See above caveat.
• She is more flirtatious with anyone other than you in the same setting.
• She is vague or noncommittal about plans when discussing them with you. For instance, you hear her talking about a party on friday night. "Oh, you're going to the party on friday, too?" She sort of pauses, or stutters, and says, "well, maaaaybe... I'm not sure. I might come, I really won't know until just before it starts..." She is making sure that if you come to the party, it's not solely on her account, and is also ensuring you don't suggest a car pool. Which leads me to my next point:
• She avoids being left alone with you, even if just for a moment at a party. It's not that she thinks you're going to attack her or something, but she may be avoiding any opening for a conversation in which you may put her in a position to have to reject you to your face. It may seem like kind of a jerk move because it may allow you to keep your hopes up longer, but honestly we really don't like to reject a man any more than he likes being rejected!
• I've mentioned this in a previous blog, but if she calls you "dude" or compares your relationship with her to that of a sibling, she is NOT INTERESTED.

My next post will be in similar form, letting my FEMALE readers know how they can tell when a MAN is not interested in them, and offering tips for my male readers on how to kindly make it clear to a woman that they are not interested in her. I ask my male readers to email me at asksuzyadvice@gmail.com and let me know, what do YOU do to let a woman know you don't think of her as anything more than a friend? Ladies, do you have any suggestions or signs that you give off that you think should be added to the list? Please post them in the comments section below!

Signature Dish

Hello, dear readers! 

The writer of the blog Sparkly In The City at sparklyinthecity.blogspot.com recently wrote a post about the advantages of having a signature dish. In short, it's a special dish that you can make easily and bring to parties, so that eventually you become known for bringing it and everyone can automatically assume you have some cooking prowess, even if in reality it is the only dish you have ever known how to make in your entire life. So my friend Sparkly asked if I would write a sister post to hers about HOW to make a signature dish. So I'll list a few tips below:

•  Think of dishes you like to eat at parties. Since this is your signature dish, and it will be at most of the parties you attend (because you're the one bringing it) it is unwise to select a base- recipe that isn't even appealing to you. 
•  Google the recipes- look at multiple dishes, and select one based on your level of cooking experience- I've been a chef for 7 years and I still wouldn't sign up to make souffle my signature dish, because the difficulty in a flawless execution is not something I want to go through before every party. 
• If you are a novice in the kitchen, read over the recipe and look for action words you don't understand. You either need to immediately google the word and figure out if it's just a pretentious word for a simple action, or move on to a recipe that you understand upon first look. 
• Short ingredient lists do not necessarily indicate simple recipes, but I do recommend them- For a signature dish, you don't want to have to restock your entire kitchen with ingredients that you don't even know how to use in any dish other than your signature. You want to keep it simple, so that you can make a 5 minute trip to the store, or always have your kitchen stocked with the ingredients, and hopefully make the dish with very little notice or forethought.
• Now, you've selected a recipe- what's so signature about a dish that you found a recipe for online? First of all, that it's homemade. You're already making something more special than any of those people who bring a 2 liter of Dr Pepper or a bag of chips. But you know I'm fixing to tell you how to make the dish truly signature- special and secret!
• My best trick for secret or signature recipes is that even if I were to take a recipe and just change or add one ingredient- I just changed the entire chemistry of the dish! You only need ONE change to make something completely different. Here are some suggestions for what you can add to make something just a little bit special:
• On a sweet signature dish, it may be as simple as sprinkling a tiny pinch of sea salt onto the top of whatever you make.
• I'm a native Texan, and we have a habit of adding Jalapeno to EVERYTHING. But, in all fairness, it always makes things taste better! There are some great seasonings out there like Jalapeno salt and Habanero salt that you can use in order to add a punch of flavor while still practicing restraint.
• Bacon. Most party-goers will enthusiastically consume things with bacon added if only to say they tried it. All the better if you succeed. I do not recommend that most new or novice chefs bother trying to add bacon to ice cream, even as a professional I have found it exceedingly difficult to avoid it turning into ice cream with bits of soggy meat. Come to think of it, you could, however, serve some fresh, crispy maple bacon bits on the side in a bowl to sprinkle on top along with nuts, cherries and whipped cream!
• For both sweet and savory (salty, meaty, hearty) dishes, add just a pinch of cinnamon, nutmeg, chili powder, ginger, clove to the recipe to change the depth of flavor. You can even play with curry or cumin if you're really adventurous, just be extremely cautious and only add a very very little bit at a time.
• You can add mint or basil to either savory or sweet dishes, but take great care in how you add it, how much you add and what flavor profiles you are adding it to. If you are unsure, allow yourself opportunity to experiment before you need to have the dish ready for others to consume, or write me specifically and let me know what the dish you want to alter is, and how you think you'd like to enhance it. I can help you individually with what you need.
• You can also take something basic and add a sauce, like a peanut butter chocolate cream pie that I made a few weeks ago- It was a pretty typical pie recipe, but I  added a sweet, grapey red wine sauce on the side for people to put on the plate with their slice, so that they got a PB&J sort of flavor profile.
• You may also be able to mix up different recipes. Again with the pie crust example, If you have a recipe that calls for a graham cracker crust, you may choose to mix it up, and make one with a different kind of cookie or cracker, like Oreos, Club crackers, Nilla Wafers, even pretzels! Though I prefer, when working with something salty like pretzels, to mix the crumbs with a sweeter cookie like the Oreos, Grahams or Nilla wafers.
• Pay attention to popular flavor pairings. If you have a great recipe for something that is heavy on caramel, you may have noticed the recent trend of adding salt to caramel desserts. You don't, however, see a lot of "sea-salted raspberries". Keep in mind what is already appealing and popular when you're messing with recipes. I'm not saying you shouldn't try a little salt on your raspberry dream bars, but I BEG you to taste and taste again before you serve it to a bunch of people and get a reputation for bad tasting food. 
• One more option is to consider taking all the elements of a classic dish and making it into a less conventional state- for instance, you may freeze your cream pie, or you may make a milkshake with all the flavors of banana pudding. You may take a popular punch or beverage and freeze it into small Popsicles- root beer float on a stick, anybody? You may even simply take the elements of a loose dessert, or one with lots of components, and make it easier to eat in a party setting. One example of this is that I once took all the components of a banana split, spooned small portions of each onto a crepe, and made little sweet dessert spring-rolls. They were cute, clever, delicious, and really very simple to make. 
• I even took that idea a little further because I froze a few of them, stuck a Popsicle stick into them, battered them in pancake batter and fried them. You can fry ANYTHING. This is not necessarily for novice cooks, though- hot oil is nothing to take lightly. Please exercise caution and obtain more experienced supervision whenever cooking with hot oil until you are comfortable and experienced in doing it without help.

I am excited to hear what signature dishes my readers can come up with! Please email me your new signature ideas, recipes, successes and disasters. If you send me photos, all the better! I hope to post a follow up blog to this in a few weeks featuring y'all's culinary adventures!

Men Decoded: Lesson 1

This post is for you, gals! I asked my female readers to submit their questions about men, what they're thinking, and what they really mean. A few of you delivered, and after interviewing many young men and doing a bit of research, I have your first few questions!

1) Why do men often have such a hard time listening?

Studies have shown that men have a stronger ability to deactivate the listening centers in the brain, literally "tuning out" when they are focused on something else, even listening to something specific. Other studies have suggested that men have directional audio reception, meaning that they tend to hear better when the sound is coming directly towards their ears as opposed to their face or their back. You may notice that many people, particularly men, will slightly tilt their ear towards someone when they are intent on hearing that person- this is functional!

If you really want to increase your chances of a specific man hearing what you have to say, here are a few tips:

• Rather than sitting across from him, or insisting that he "look you in the eye" when you're talking to him, sit next to him or go for a walk, so that you are beside him while you're speaking. This actually helps him to hear you, and even as a woman, when someone is insisting I look them in the eye, I tend to be more focused on having an attentive facial expression and looking them in the eye than I am on what they are actually saying.
• Say his name, and confirm he heard you call him before you start telling him whatever it is you want him to hear. If he has his audio receptors tuned into whatever he is doing, or turned off altogether because he's not listening, it is likely you will be in the middle of what you are saying before he even realizes that you are speaking to him.
• I know my friends who are reading this will laugh at the hypocracy of this tip, but whenever possible, try to be concise, direct, and get to the point. Treat it a little like a high school english paper- give the main point first and then get into the finer details. This way, if the man you are speaking to has a short attention span, he will get the important content even if he zones out.

2) Do men really care about personality in a woman? 

I asked a number of my male friends this question, and the responses across the board were, pretty much, "Personality is extremely important, but there does have to be some physical attraction there too."

I know that many times we women can overlook a lot of physically unattractive characteristics in a man if his personality, motivation, and other non-visible traits are appealing enough. Even so, we still have things that we can't "get over"- whether we call it lack of chemistry, or can't quite put our fingers on it. Men are the same way- they DO value physical attractiveness, but that only takes them as far as our personalities will fall short. So it is two-fold, but have no fear- there are men with all kinds of physical preferences. Even if you don't necessarily fit into our culture's standard definitions of beauty, there are men out there who find you attractive.

3) Why don’t many men like to text?

Again I surveyed a number of men, and most of them gave the same response: Usually, I could tell you what I have to say faster and in better detail, and get feedback, by talking to you in voice rather than text messaging. While I still occasionally use text messages when I can't really talk, or I only need to say one small thing, it simply isn't the most efficient mode of communication.

A few other men said they text a lot and never would have expected a question like that. 

4) What do men consider clingy behavior?

In my experience, if he really, really likes the girl, not much. That is to say, I have seen more than one of my male friends complain about a girl being too in touch, and then when the same friends get a girlfriend, or even just start flirting with a girl they like, they can't seem to get enough of her.

The whole idea is relative, I think, because most of what is acceptable from a girlfriend could constitute clingy behavior from just a friend. Still, there are some things that are clingy behavior for a girlfriend, too.

A few things that are clingy pretty much across the board: 

• If you are texting and calling him every time, never allowing him time or opportunity to contact you first, 
• Getting offended when he doesn't respond to you in pretty much any amount of time short of a day 
• Showing up uninvited to his house on the first evening in two weeks you don't have plans "just to surprise him because you missed him".
• Counting the children you'll have with him someday before your 5th date

My best advice for women who worry about being perceived as clingy is this: When in doubt, don't. Or do, but half as much, half as often. And look for clues and signs as to when the man in question may be bothered, crowded or annoyed (I'll give that list as content in a later blog!), and make note what particular behavior may have caused it.

5) How do I know when a man is interested in me?

If he is really interested in you, eventually he will ask you out on a date. Until he does that, just be normal and friendly, and try not to read too deeply into everything he says or does.

I NEED MORE CONTENT!!!!! Please click the "email us" link on the right hand side of the page to submit your questions or requests for content, or send your emails to asksuzyadvice@gmail.com. Thanks!

Servin' Up Savory Steaks

Dear Suzy,

Today for dinner I took a rack of ribs, rubbed it with oil and rib rub, wrapped it in foil, then let it sit in the fridge. 2.5 hours before I wanted to serve dinner, I took it out, opened the foil, poured some coke on it, and cooked it in the oven for 2 hours at 325. It was one of the easiest and most delicious entree recipes I've ever made. I enjoy making recipes that are stupidly easy, and while that back story doesn't have much to do with my question, I am just humbly patting myself on the back for how awesome I am. Do you have any other suggestions for a quick, easy, foolproof way to cook various cuts of meat?

Hungry,

Kashmir in the Kitchen

Dear Kashmir,

I'm glad to post your question, self-promotion and all, because you've provided a great recipe for my readers to try! I'll add a few more simple ways to cook meat that I've found helpful as a lazy creature who loves food. There are multiple styles of cooking represented, so if you're not interested in reading the recipe, just move on until you reach black text again.

Stuffed Chicken:

- Chicken breasts (one per person, or according to personal serving size preferences)
- Pepperonis or other italian meat such as sausage or pastrami (bologna not recommended)
- Mozzerella, swiss, gouda, or even provalone cheese (a few thin slices per serving)
- 1 egg, whisked or shaken
- 1/2-1/3 cup grated Parmesian
- 1/4 cup of flour
- 3-4 dashes pepper
- 4-5 dashes italian seasonings (its worth it to buy them pre-mixed, but typically basil, rosemary, garlic powder, parsley)
- 2 dashes salt
- 4-5 tbsp olive oil
- Optional: sauce (basil pesto, marinara, even alfredo!)

• If breasts are thick, simply slice it halfway down most of the way through and lay open- if they are pretty thin, (less than 1 inch) place on a cutting board and smack all over with something flat, such as a tenderizing hammer, measuring cup, rolling pin, or forehead until chicken is thin and flat enough to fold in half easily without tearing.
• Place cheese and meat in the middle of the chicken breast towards one side, leaving a small outer edge uncovered.
• Fold the chicken over the stuffing, leaving as few gaps as possible between the layers of chicken (this is not an exact science, nothing will die if you have a leaky chicken breast, I promise!)
• In a wide bowl or on a plate, combine parmesan, flour, pepper, salt, and herbs.
• Put olive oil into a skillet and begin heating on low to medium heat.
• Carefully dip chicken breasts into egg, (this is called dredging) and then coat in flour mixture.
• Test the heat of your oil by dripping just one small drop of water into the oil. If it does nothing, it is not hot enough- if it pops really loud and splatters over a foot high, take it off the heat for about 2 minutes, then move it back on and it should be perfect, crackling and moderately splattering when contacted with a tiny drop of water. 
• At this point, place the chicken carefully into the oil in the pan, CAREFUL NOT TO TOUCH THE OIL!
• When the bottom layer of your stuffed chicken has turned completely white, use tongs or two forks to flip the chicken. The chicken should be completely cooked, white and brown. If you aren't experienced, cut the thickest part of the chicken and make sure there is no pink left in the meat.
• Place the chicken onto a paper towel while you lightly dress the plate with your sauce, then serve!

***This dish is not only italian; you can use the same techniques with a few changes to make a whole new dish! for instance, if you use chorizo rather than italian sausage, cheddar or monterey for the cheese, taco seasoning in place of the italian seasonings, and dress it with salsa or ranchero sauce, it will be delicious, latin, and noone will know its the same dish!

My favorite simple way of cooking MOST types of meat is stir-fry or skillet saute. You can use strip-steak, chicken, pork, shrimp, crawfish, scallops, even more daring seafood such as squid and octopus! In the interest of giving you as much information as I can without making this post torturously long, I am going to give you a few lists of ingredients that go well together with meats in a stir-fry style. You don't necessarily need a wok to do this style of cooking! A (preferably non-stick), greased skillet that adequately fits the quantity of meat you are cooking is perfectly fine to do the job.

I will color code the ingredients so that if you use at least one of each color you will get the desired flavor, but ideally you will experiment and mix and match the ingredients to make new and different flavors! Those ingredients in BLUE are purely optional, just for added awesomeness.

Sweet and Spicy:

Soy Sauce

Teryaki Sauce

Grape juice 

Orange juice 

Pineapple juice

Frozen juice concentrate (only a tablespoon or so)

Garlic Powder

Minced Garlic

Onion Powder

Chili Powder

Chili Pepper Flakes

Sriracha Sauce

Chili Paste (found in a lot of Korean dishes)

Fresh Jalapenos

Pickled Jalapenos

Sweet Pickled Peppers

Fresh Bell Peppers

Fresh Pineapple pieces

mandarin oranges

Hot and Sour:

Vinagarette Salad Dressing (Italian works well, too)

Vinegar (Apple Cider or Red Wine are best)

Lemon Juice

Lime Juice

Lemon Pepper

Sriracha Sauce

Chili Powder

Chili Paste

Cayenne
Spicy Mustard
Jalapeno or habanero Salt

Fresh Jalapenos

Fresh Hot Peppers (poblano, habanero, chilis, etc)

Pickled Jalapenos (preferably not sweet, but if that's what you like, go for it!)

Green and Red Bell Peppers

Fresh Pineapple

Garlic powder

Minced Garlic

Soy Sauce

Now what I love about this style of cooking is you can marinate the meat in these ingredients and cook it as-is, you can marinate it and then further flavor it by adding the same ingredients fresh to the pan, or if you're in a real hurry you can just toss it all into a hot skillet and cook it together with no forethought required. 

My favorite trick with this type of cooking is the use of Vinegarette Salad Dressings. Something about the combination of vinegar and oil reacts with the heat to not only create an exciting punch of flavor, but also makes little crisplettes in the pan of what appears to be burned bits, but it's actually just power-packed, exciting bites of flavor that you can serve and eat intermingled with the meats and veggies.

The flavors listed above work together in general, not only for stir-fry. You can combine the dry ingredients and make a rub for grilling, any of the ingredients as a marinade for searing or baking, and you can use more of the liquid ingredients, seasoned with the other ingredients, in a saucepan, reduce and let it steep a little while, and serve it on top or on the side of your less seasoned entrees. In THIS context, these flavors could even be used in preparing Tuna Steaks (one of my personal favorites.)

Please send me your own questions about cooking, romance, friendship, life, decorating, literature, whatever! My email address is asksuzyadvice@gmail.com, but for added convenience you can simply click the "email us" link on the right-hand side of this page.

PLEASE SHARE ON FACEBOOK AND TWITTER if you like what you're getting on this blog! Please write me with feedback if you'd prefer to get something different out of it! Thanks!

Women Decoded: Lesson 1

This post is for the Men! (Though I have no doubt my readers of the fairer sex will be interested to see how fairly I've represented them).

In an effort to only provide translations that you would actually consider relevant and useful, I've asked my male friends to compile the mysteries of the feminine mystique that THEY find most difficult to comprehend. So from YOUR mouths, I present the first part of my translations. I hope this will inspire all of my male readers to write in with their own questions, or I will run out of material tragically soon.

#1: Why do women go to the bathroom in groups?

4 reasons, actually: 
First, power of suggestion- once one person has to go, we realize we haven't been in a while.
Second, we want to talk privately- while we may have the technology nowadays to text each other under the table, a lot more can be said much more quickly in the bathroom. We might be discussing whether or not one of the men at the table seems interested in any of us, or comparing notes on the conversation and what we think it "means"; Realize, men, that women are deconstructing almost every interaction and comment made during their interactions with y'all, often multiple times, if we are now or may eventually be interested in you.
Third, Physiology- Women actually have a chemical reaction to those moments of "girl time". Our brains release a hormone called Oxytocin, which is a "feel good" hormone, whenever we are sharing secrets, being emotionally intimate, touching and complementing elements of each other's outfits, and playing with each other's hair. We receive a mutual dose of "good feelings" every time we fix each other's makeup, or smooth those flyaway hairs on each other. We don't even realize we're compelled physically to continue these habits, but it's like smoking a cigarette after a meal- the circumstance of joining each other for a little private chat in the bathroom becomes compulsively appealing because we always receive that hit of Oxytocin when we do!
Fourth, it's a bit of girl-code that we all know there is a chance one of us may need feminine hygiene products and that we have run out, or forgotten to bring any. We have ALL been there, and in order to spare the potential awkwardness and obviousness of our friend coming back from the bathroom only to whisper in our ear, make a not-so-subtle exchange between purses and go right back to the bathroom, we all come and we all bring our purses, just in case.

#2: Why do girls get bitter, jealous and act competitive with each other so often?

Psychologically, there is a phenomenon within the female brain called "queen bee syndrome" where we feel a compulsion, desire, to put ourselves at the top of the pecking order when we are in a group of other women and there are men present. We actually are more often fighting this instinct when we truly like our female friends and don't want to dominate them, because it's our natural reaction to the circumstance to do so. So men, if you want an indicator of self-control and mind-over-matter in a woman, look to see which of your friends remains humble and seeks opportunities to promote her female friends, rather than put them down when they are around you.
Emotionally, this is an impulse equal to the male impulse to find competition in everyday tasks- if I dropped a box of a thousand paper clips on the floor, and there were two men in the room, it would be minutes at most before they're making a competition of who picks up the most paper clips the fastest, and who has the best method of doing so. In the same way, women are deeply competitive, but more subtle. Rather than proving ourselves as the "Alpha" through outward competition, we are more subtle- we want to prove our "alpha" status through more difficult to measure accomplishments, such as which of us has the most self-confidence, which of us has the most reason to be confident, which of us is most successful, which of us is most capable of attracting the attention of a man in the room, etc. What it comes down to is, our motivations are really not very different from men's, but we take the outcomes more personally, so it's emotionally a bigger deal for us to come out on top.

#3: What is a "frienemy" and WHY are they so common in some groups of women?

Urban Dictionary defines a Frienemy as: 
A "toxic" person who poses as a friend but subconsciously or consciously wishes you harm.
Or: A person who you treat and whom treats you as a friend but if they are given a chance would "cut your throat" or get one over on you/put themselves first if it would benefit themselves, or they would gain an advantage over you.

The first piece of useful information you might glean from these definitions is that for the most part, women would not have their frienemies if they felt they had the choice; it normally takes place in such a social setting that the receiving friend can't easily avoid the friendship without some level of social or proprietorial backlash. Sometimes we keep those friends because it would ultimately be a lot more drama and heartache to get rid of them than to simply tolerate them. Sometimes we keep them around because at one time we really were friends, and either we have too many mutual friends, acquaintances and interests for it to be worth putting all of it at risk, or they knew us well enough at one time that we actually fear the possible exposure of whatever private knowledge they gained during the friendship. Contrary to what the media might portray, no female likes having or being a frienemy- it is not typically a voluntary situation, and it almost exclusively takes place in groups where one or both women wouldn't feel comfortable remaining in the group in the same capacity if they actually severed the friendship, or they feel the potential consequences of severing it outweigh the advantages of losing one toxic friend. Speaking as a woman, it most often occurs when at least one of the women involved is overly-dramatic, and I personally have never known any woman to have or be a frienemy on purpose.

#4: How can we tell if a woman is trying to hint that she would like us to ask her out?

I'll give you a few specific cues that you can use your own discretion (or email me if you are in doubt) to cross over into different, but similar arenas.

• She talks about movies she would like to see but is waiting to watch until she has a date- a woman will not likely phrase it this way or bother mentioning waiting for a date unless she likes someone in the room- keep in mind, though, it might not be you if there are other men in the room. If she starts saying something like this, though, look at her- she will almost certainly look at the man she most wishes to see the movie with when she says it.
• She is vague about her own plans for a weekend or evening, or expressly mentions that she has none, and immediately asks you if you have anything planned. She is hoping you will either say "I don't have anything in particular, want to do something together?" or "I was thinking about going to _____________... Hey, would you like to come?"-- In this case, if you realize she's hinted and you actually respond accordingly, follow through immediately with making the plan- establish a time, and if you want it to be a date, arrange to pick her up, make a mention of buying her ticket, and/or actually say at the end of the conversation: "Great! It's a date, then!"
• She finds opportunities to touch you unnecessarily. If you realize a woman is doing this, though, pay attention to whether she touches other men as often (after all, some people are just touchy with everyone!). But if she seems to be touching you significantly more than other people, that's a pretty solid sign of attraction- I personally am a very touch-oriented personality, but I am conscious not to touch any man I am not attracted to extraneously. I may give him a hug, but I will never place my hand on a guy's forearm while talking to him about any random thing unless I find him attractive. 
• Listen for complements! I love complementing all my friends, but I am careful to save certain types of complements for the guys I like- I might complement any guy's hair, clothing, watch, etc. But if a woman grabs your bicep and says "wow, you're sooo muscular!" that is flat-out flirting. Also, I may complement a friend once, but I'll complement a man I'm interested in every chance I get. Keep in mind, however, that it isn't unheard of for people to flirt with people they're comfortable with, regardless of their actual level of attraction- This is why you should pay attention to how she acts with everyone else.
• She asks you for romantic advice about some mystery guy, and then she does whatever you advised her to do to you!
• For me personally, when I like a guy, I'll do something for the whole group, like bake cookies, but I'll make sure HE gets first pick, I'll make HIS favorite flavor, and I'll give HIM a bigger portion... but even I admit that's overly subtle to be of any interpretable use.
• The most fool-proof way, is to gather your courage, ask her out, and prepare for the possibility of rejection- if she says yes, you have your answer. And, incidentally, a date!

#5: How can we tell if a woman is trying to let us know we've been friend-zoned?

• If she calls you any of the following: Bro, Dude, Man, Friend, Buddy.
• If she says "you're like a brother to me"
• If she says "your friendship is so precious to me, I'd never want to jeopardize it" (by the way I almost hate to write this because if I could, I'd tell every girl who says that that she's probably telling it to someone who could end up being a great match for her. It's really not a fair statement, but it IS a friend-zoning statement.)
• She discusses her crushes on other men with you
• She asks you for romantic advice and then does not do whatever you suggested with you
• If she suggests other women you would be "cute" with, or recommends other women for you to ask out.
• If she says "if it weren't for... *insert unchangeable characteristic that will never be different about yourself here* I could date you..." this sentence is tricky though- if she says "if it weren't for the fact that you smoke, I would totally go out with you", she may be dropping a hint that she likes you and wishes she could date you if you ever decided to quit smoking. If she says "If it weren't for the fact that you're 7 feet tall, or 20 years older than me, or a completely different religion than me, I would totally date you"- she's pointing out a truth, but also telling you that she's not going to change her mind about her feelings for you any more than you can make yourself a foot shorter, or 20 years younger, or suddenly believe an entirely different theology.
• The most FOOLPROOF way to know she's not interested? If when you ask her out, she says "No, I'm sorry, I just don't see you that way". IF you aren't sure how your friend feels about you, but you like her, just man up and ask her out.

What do you think, ladies? Have I represented us well enough? Would you like to add or argue with anything I've said? Respond in the comments!

Please send me your questions! I am working on a MEN: Decoded sequel to this for my Lady readers, so ladies, send me what you've always wondered about what men are thinking. I also hope today's blog will inspire my Male readers to send in more questions they hope to have answered! Send them in to asksuzyadvice@gmail.com or click the "email us" link on the right hand side of the page

"C" is for Cookie that's Good Enough for Me

Dear Suzy,

When I bake cookies they tend to be flatter than other “professional” cookies.  How can I solve this?  And do you have a good recipe for snickerdoodles?

Hungry,

The Hatter in Wonderland

Dear Hatter,

Most of the time, when a cookie recipe is coming out of the oven too flat, the fat to flour ratio is probably off- two things you can do to remedy this problem are to make sure your butter is not overly soft- you don't want it to be so cold that it wears out the motor of your mixer, but it shouldn't be so warm that it goes "Ploooshppp" limply in your hand when you try to pick it up. It should be able to hold its shape against very gentle touch. The second thing you can do is add a bit of flour. I know it can be difficult for a novice baker to know how much flour to add, so here's a super simple trick: When it's come together, most cookie doughs should be just tacky to the touch, but not leave any residue on your fingertip- like a post-it note. If you're close to finishing the mixture and it's still gooey enough to leave a bit of dough on your finger, add about 1/4 cup of flour slowly as it's mixing until you can touch it without getting any dough on you.

As for the snickerdoodle recipe, I'm not one to give away ALL my secrets, but I'll be happy to share one excellent recipe with you:

Ingredients:

1 cup                 Butter

1.5 cups            Sugar

2                        Eggs

1/2 tsp              Vanilla Extract

1/4 tsp              Salt

1 tsp                  Baking Soda

2.75 cups         All Purpose Flour

Directions:

"Cream" together the butter and the sugar (combine until they are one- for this particular recipe you can use softer butter, but if  you do, chill the dough before rolling and baking it.)

Add the eggs and vanilla and mix until fully combined, but no longer.

Add the remaining ingredients and mix until just incorporated- over mixing makes for tough cookies!

In a bowl, combine 2 tbsp of cinnamon with 1-1.5 cups of sugar. I like to add a dash of nutmeg just to make mine a little more unique than other recipes, too.

Roll the dough into balls about 2" in diameter, and toss them in the cinnamon-sugar mixture.

Place the balls evenly spaced on a cookie sheet and bake in a 350F oven for 5 minutes, then turn the pan and bake for another 3-5 minutes until the cracks in the cookie are not visibly glossy and the very edges of the cookies are beginning to turn golden.

Thank you for the excellent question, and I encourage all my readers to continue sending in their wonderful questions to asksuzyadvice@gmail.com, or just click the "email us" link on the right hand side of the page. Beginning this week I've decided to slow the pace of my posts to about 3 times a week, in order to favor quality of content over frequency and to hopefully get a little more consistency in my posting times. Thank you for reading and I do hope you'll share this blog on your social networking sites if you're enjoying the content.

Life Hacks: Achieving Interpersonal Proficience (Part 1)

I've come to a point where there is a bit of a lull in the number of questions I've been receiving from my readers, so I will take time this week to write a few more "opinion" and "helpful tips" blogs while I wait for you, my dear, faithful followers, to write in with your questions. In case you've only begun reading recently, I'll remind you that I'll be happy to answer your questions about anything, from food to hygiene, romance to friendship, spirituality to household chores, literature to philosophy, budgeting to art, and on and on. Don't get me wrong, I don't think I know everything, but I know a lot of people who know a lot of things, and if ever I am in doubt about my knowledge of a subject, I'll be sure to say so, and do my best to recommend a better source for the information. To send in your questions, just click the handy "Email us" link on the right hand side of the page, or open a new window and send your question to asksuzyadvice@gmail.com. Thank you!

This is the first installment of a few "Life Hack" blogs I will be posting intermittently over the coming months.

Urban Dictionary defines a Life Hack as "Any hacks, tips and tricks that get things done quickly by automating, increase productivity and organizing." The only thing I'll add to this definition is that they're also tips and tricks that can help you do everyday things better and more effectively with little added effort. Today I'll be giving you a simple list of highly effective Life Hacks that should improve your every day personal interactions with immediate results. WARNING: Some of these hacks will require a new level of self-awareness that may cause brief discomfort, but are better for you in the long run, I promise!

1) This may be the most important thing you read in your entire adult life. It could change your life. Think of a friend. A trustworthy, honest friend. Preferably the level of honest you sort of wish they wouldn't be sometimes. Go to this friend privately and ask them, honestly, promising no backlash reguardless of the answer:

"Do you or have you ever noticed me ever having body odor?" Then follow it with "Was it an any circumstance other than right after playing basketball and right before getting into the shower?"

I know, you're laughing, thinking, "oh, awesome, this is an ironic humor sort of blog."

NO. It is not. It may be a long needed wake up call that will change your life! I know a LOT of handsome, 20 and even 30-something men with excellent personalities who have no idea that the primary reason they strike out with women is that their female friends dread standing too close to them in a conversation, muchless hugging them or dancing with them, which really can be such a waste because were it not for their olfactories, these gentlemen would be extremely attractive. I hate to say it, ladies- you can be guilty, too! I personally was blessed with a brutally honest family whom I live close to and see regularly, and I know (from experience) that I can trust them to point out to me if the brand of deodorant I'm using just isn't doing it's proper job any more.

Body odor doesn't reflect on you as a person, except when you neglect to address it! And unfortunately, it has been scientifically proven that we become immune to our own scent, and our own personal noses can not be trusted to determine whether it is a problem. It may simply be that your brand of deodorant no longer works as it once did, or that it never quite worked well enough. It may be that the showering and maintenance routine that you established in the 6th grade just isn't sufficient for your now post-pubescent sweat glands. It may be that your long-held belief that your wardrobe is good for at least 2 wears before getting washed is misinformed.

For your convenience, here is a quick list of basics for men:
- Shower no less than once a day- period. You do still sweat, even if you've literally just sat at the computer for the last 16 hours.
- Shower after working out, any activity in temperatures over 80 degrees Fahrenheit, or any strenuous activity lasting more than 10 minutes. Don't whine- y'all can be in and out of the shower in like, 2 minutes. This should not be taking away from your day substantially.
- I kind of can't believe I need to say this, but I know there are people out there who don't DO this: USE SOAP when you shower! Water alone ain't gonna do the job. If you don't like that, tough nuggets.
- Brush your teeth 2 to 3 times a day, once in the morning when you wake up (morning breath is gross), once before you go to bed, and at the very least suck a strong mint if not mouthwash after eating any meal consisting of garlic, onions, curries, and the like. If you're ever in a bind, chew and swallow the parsley that's garnishing your entree- that's actually it's purpose, to neutralize the strong favors in the meal.
- Before going to a social thing, particularly in the evening- at the very least, wipe your stinkiest areas down well with a clean, wet cloth ("Aggie Bath") and change your shirt- NOT just your top shirt- Change that undershirt! What good does it do to put a fresh pillowcase over a stinky pillow?
- Avoid the urge to "cover" body odor and other unpleasant smells with copious amounts of cologne- imagine tossing a bunch of freshly picked mint into the trash- it still smells like garbage, just.... minty garbage.
- Avoid copious amounts of cologne period! Do not be fooled into thinking that the amount of cologne applied in an Axe Body Spray commercial is a reasonable dose! Remember, they're selling the stuff- they want you to use ridiculous amounts of it so you'll buy more sooner.  Two quick (I MEAN quick) sprays in an "X" motion from shoulders to hips across your abdomen should do the trick.
- CLEAN your COATS! I know you only wear it in cold weather, and it's not the same type of garment as other clothes, but it's still fabric and you still sweat. If it's washable, toss it in the laundry at least once a month during the season you wear it. If it's not washable, spend the $5 to get it dry cleaned, preferably once a month, no less than once every 2 months. I can't tell you what a wonder killer it is when an otherwise attractive, even decent-smelling guy loans me his coat only to have the coat smell like he hasn't washed it since he bought it 3 years ago.

For Women:
- Shower about once a day. We legitimately do sweat less than men, and we don't necessarily always need to shower more than once a day, and there are days in the winter, when it's cold and we haven't been active, that we legitimately can wait 36 hours between showers without it making much difference. I don't recommend you advertise this method, but it can be acceptable  PROVIDED your deodorant WORKS. Don't let yourself be in denial about this.
- Easy tip- even during long winter months when you are the only person looking at or touching your legs, at the very least shave your ankles- save yourself anyone else accidentally glimpsing your laziness
- Change deodorant brands at least once a year- even if you just switch back and forth between two, it'll help prevent your body chemistry from adjusting to whatever brand you use over time
- Don't overdo the perfume- the less it costs, the more often you'll need to apply it, but don't try to compensate for it wearing off more quickly by putting on a larger quantity initially. Remember, the goal is for people to think you smell good, not your perfume. Also, on the outside chance that you have unique taste in perfumes, you won't offend or set off the allergies of every well-meaning friend who wants to give you a hug.
- Spritz a little perfume into your hair. Guys love a girl with nice smelling hair, and it's a subtle way to make people notice that you smell nice overall- not your perfume.
- Shave your pits every time you shower- just make it as much a part of the routine as soap- it takes like, 10 seconds and saves you the embarrassment of unexpectedly removing your cardigan or something because you spill something on it and flashing those prickles for all to see as you take it off.
- Wait at least 30 minutes after shaving your pits to apply deodorant- this will help prevent unsightly razor bumps

I'll do 2 more simple hacks, since #1 has made a long post all to itself

2) Check your teeth, always, after eating anything!
3) When removing your shoes in public, particularly if you are prone to smelly feet, start by taking your feet out of your shoes and then resting them right on top of the openings of the shoes, so that the smell dissipates in smaller doses at a slower rate, making it less noticeable than a sudden wave of stinky enveloping the 5 foot radius. 

Tune in to the next Life Hacks for a breakdown of handshakes, hugs and more!