Love & The Art Of Saying No: A journey out of co-dependence, people-pleasing, and over-commitment
And I'd really like to see it published. I truly believe there are a lot of people in the world who will benefit from reading this book. So I set up a campaign on Kickstarter to fund the publishing costs. You can click through to learn more about the book and how to pre-order it through Kickstarter here:
The campaign ends on September 5! If it is not 100% funded by September 5, this book will not be published for a very long time if ever.
I CAN'T DO THIS WITHOUT YOU!
Please check out the link and consider becoming a backer. There are several options where you can go in on a package together with your friends, so consider if you have anyone you'd like to split a package with to get a better deal!
And spread the word! Follow the book's page on Facebook to receive updates on the campaign and publishing timeline.
A couple weeks ago, my husband was paying the toll bill, and I apologized to him that it was much higher than usual because I had taken the toll road several times that month to make sure I wasn't late for class. We are financially fairly comfortable, but we have recently had several car issues, and our budget is pretty tight right now.
His response inspired me to write this.
"Love, it's a lot less expensive for you to take the toll road every day if you need to than for us to pay for you to have to re-take those classes. Especially with how hard that would be on you emotionally. Take it if you need to & we'll finish this semester."
So much wisdom for such a young man. His response to my apology was both rational and incredibly empathetic. I am just 50 days from my last day of graduate school, (I like to think my last day of school ever), and the added pressure of knowing how stressful and complicated it would be for me to drop or flunk a class this semester, pushing back my graduation and forcing me to pay twice for a class, has been extremely difficult.
I feel my husband had every right to be a bit annoyed with me, or to at least appreciate my apology, for spending money outside our budget on something that is technically optional. The degree of thought that had to go in to his response seems to me to have been happening along the way, so that in the moment, he was able to instantly consider my needs and the bigger picture, and just be incredibly understanding of what that expensive little shortcut meant to me.
So I just want to say this. A truly solid, positive relationship- any relationship, not just marriage- is a lot easier when your logic accounts for the less tangible needs of the other in the relationship. It's been 2 weeks and I can't get this interaction out of my head because I realized in that moment that I felt understood, taken care of, and completely safe to care for myself in this high pressure season of life.
If you are in a relationship, give yourself time and opportunity to think about what the other is going through in life outside your time with them. Take the time to empathize and think about how they may be feeling at the end of their workday, or when they haven't gotten to do that thing that makes them feel good in a long time. Just thinking about this stuff when you have a chance will give you the same wisdom in the instant you'll need it someday. And when it does come up, that person will feel so loved by you. 100% worth the effort.
(P.S. This conversation actually happened during the week of our 3rd anniversary, and I just gotta brag and say that my husband is clearly nailing it.)
It seems to me that with the rampant growth of Social Media activity, Slacktivism is also at an all time high. Prior to the upsurge of shared open letters and judgey memes, I think slacktivism was already common in the form of protest. Now stay with me please! I'll explain.
While there's nothing wrong with simply doing these things to make it known which side of a debate you personally identify with (that's why I do it from time to time), I feel like if changing one's profile photo in solidarity or clicking "share" on someone else's well stated opinions is say (generously) 0.5% effective in convincing others to consider alternative perspectives, then showing up for a protest in this decade* is maybe 1% effective, if that.
In this day and age, it's needlessly dangerous to gather large crowds of people representing a specific, often oppressed demographic into a single public space. The best case scenario is that the participants leave safely and feel like they were a part of something important. They haven't changed ANYTHING. They just got to take their opinions out of their computer chair and feel like they've done something.
The alternatives to this scenario are that it creates an opportunity for crazies/radicals/people who simply like to make trouble to turn what may have been intended and initially organized as a peaceful statement into a riot. I don't think protests are organized with the intent or expectation of riots, nor do I think the majority of participants intend to be rowdy, but it's like giving an open call to bring gasoline to a certain place and hoping no arsonists show up. The worst case is scenarios like the events in Dallas that inspired this post, that it's like gathering fish into a barrel with targets on their backs. We may not like to admit it, we may disagree on how to label it, but we live in a world where people senselessly take lives en masse, particularly when it will create a media frenzy.
And for what? So people watching will know a cause is important?
Frankly, we do have internet now. We can make our numbers felt through petitions etc with as much efficacy and none of the risk.
Even so, I believe that none of these measures will make much real difference to whatever the problem.
So what will?
DO.
The only way to fix a corrupt system is to do so from the INSIDE.
Do you believe that the United States Police forces are corrupt &/or full of racist people you don't trust to carry a gun?
Then BECOME A POLICE OFFICER and don't be racist, corrupt, or trigger happy. Too old? Encourage your children, or your grandchildren, or your nieces, nephews, friends' kids, to grow up to work in law enforcement, and not to be racist. Donate funds or organize classes for your city to educate current law enforcement in sociology and racial studies. Organize events that can encourage positive interactions and experiences between members of oppressed people groups and their oppressors, so that officers have an opportunity to genuinely rewrite the script in their minds by way of positive, genuine personal experience.
The only way we can fix a corrupted population of people is to flood it with good people.
Do you believe some of the tragic shooting incidents involving police were exacerbated by people refusing to listen or comply to orders given by an authority?
Then teach your children to respect authority figures. MODEL that respect by respecting them yourself. If you are of a demographic which is categorically socialized not to fear the law but to rely on it to protect you, then you better get out of your house, join a big brother/big sister program, and instill that respect into some kids who haven't had that opportunity. If nothing else, teach your children to comply when the person they're disagreeing with has a gun, and then educate them on how to pursue justice after the fact- there are dash cams and body cams, if you feel your rights are being unlawfully infringed upon, DON'T be mouthy and insolent and scream in their face, don't resist, and no matter how right you are, DON'T FIGHT SOMEONE WHO IS ARMED FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE! Get the organizations that would defend you in death to help you defend yourself IN COURT with your heart still beating.
And ALL of you- how about instead of waiting to give money to a fund for the family of someone who dies unjustly, you give money now to a fund for the legal defense team of someone unjustly accused of a crime based on their demographic status?
Are you Pro-Life?
Then put down the picket signs and go prepare your hearts and your homes to adopt kids that are products of rape, or unexpected teen pregnancy, or unwelcome adult pregnancy. Be ready to take in kiddos with birth defects & drug addictions. Make space in your homes or financially support organizations that provide housing for girls who are kicked out of their homes for being pregnant. Organize clinics and meetings where families can be counseled through the challenges of unexpected pregnancy and learn forgiveness, acceptance, and supporting their own.
The only way we can change our culture is to create a safe, welcoming place for the children of unwanted pregnancies.
Are you Pro-choice in part because you believe the foster system is so corrupt and full of greedy, neglectful people that you think it would be better in the long run to abort a child than to risk subjecting it to such a life?
Then get trained, open your homes, and become good foster parents. You're smart enough and good enough to identify a problem exists, so be smart enough and good enough to do something about it.
The only way to fix a corrupt system is to flood it with good people.
Are you sick of voting for the lesser of two evils, but you do it anyway because you feel your vote will be wasted if you don't vote for one of the front runners?
Then become a politician and don't be corrupt. Raise your children to have an interest and understanding of politics, and teach them not to be corrupt. Most of all, get involved at the lowest levels- those people running for higher office have been climbing the ladder for a long time. If you pay attention to mayoral and governor elections, local politics and congress, we could, hypothetically, begin to weed out the baddies before they ever start climbing.
The only way to bring about change is to stop doing things as they've always been done. If you think there's any other way than this, you are living the definition of insanity.
I could go on and on with examples such as homelessness, poverty, water poverty, drug addiction, etc- in fact some of these are my own personal pet causes, but you should get the idea by now.
The when a corruption is systemic, it's not just this giant crap factory that you can only either yell at pointlessly, burn down completely, or just accept.
The difference between that which is corrupt and that which is not is the proportion of non-corrupt individuals to those who are corrupt inside that system. It ultimately comes down to a tip of the scales. And the only way to change which way a scale tips is to add weight to the side you prefer.
So are you tired of the world as it is? Wishing for change? Discouraged? Then DO. You don't have to stop all the reposts and demonstrations, but back them up. And if you must demonstrate, please be wise, be safe, and don't be afraid to leave if it gets ugly.
*I am not denying the efficacy of protest as a real society changing tool at various times in history- I am saying we have outgrown its efficacy. It's not a good method for this generation.
I don't know his name. I don't know anything about him except one of the most important things in the world.
Let me back up a bit.
I saw him 2 days ago when I was out to lunch with some of my family. We were waiting for a table to open up in a tiny, hole-in-the-wall bakery, so I was, naturally, assessing everyone around me and the stage of consumption their lunch had reached to guess how long the wait would be. Then I noticed this man. I'm going to name him Phil. Phil was eating a salad and some bread. There was no phone in sight. There was no lunch companion at his table. There was no newspaper, book, nook, laptop, blackberry, pen with napkin scribbles... nothing. Just his plate. Being the awkward, voyeuristic people watcher that I am, I noticed and immediately became fascinated.
I looked around at the other tables. There were several other men eating by themselves, but this one had a newspaper... this one had his phone out... this one was talking into a headset (not a bluetooth, mind you- one of those headsets you see video gamers and air force pilots wearing- super classy).
I was so fascinated with Phil that I actually took a [super creepy] picture by taking a photo of my grandma and zooming in. I knew I'd want a visual for the blog I was already writing in my head. (FOURTH WALL!!!!!!!!)
Phil wasn't in a hurry. I hope someone understands why this boggles me. He was sincerely, genuinely enjoying his salad; totally alone with his thoughts. Without distraction, without somewhere to hurry up and get to. He was smiling a little.
When is the last time you had a meal by yourself? When is the last time you had a meal by yourself that wasn't
a) on the phone
b) on social media
c) reading something
d) watching tv
e) doodling on a napkin
f) eaten in a hurry because you have things to get to and nothing to occupy your mind
g) in the car
h) some or all of the above?
There is a common expression in literature or movies: "how do you sleep at night?"
It's an expression usually directed at persons whose behavior has caused others to wonder how they can stand to fall asleep with such a guilty conscience.
Imagine the clear conscience it takes to enjoy ones lunch, in this day and age, completely alone with one's own thoughts.
Phil has inspired me.
I want to discover the peace of a meal absent of outside connection.
I want to experience the sanity of being able to sit still with my own thoughts and not feel rushed to find something else to focus on.
Even make a standing appointment?
Phil, whoever you are, you're my hero.
I hope now he's yours too.
If there's something you'd like me to write a post about, or a question you'd like answered, click the "email me" link on the right hand side of the page.
This post is extremely personal,
but I feel like it is important to share. I hope it is enlightening or comforting or both to some of my readers.
The Room
In my mind there is a dim, circular
room completely lined with shelves, wall to wall, beginning at the
floor and climbing high to an unseen ceiling. All of these shelves are
lined with red boxes- like the ones you can get at Neiman Marcus at Christmas. Each box is
an opportunity, challenge or problem that I will eventually encounter in my
life. Usually, I walk into the room and there is the box for today's challenge sitting
on a table, and I open it to assess its contents: the options I have to proceed
through and beyond the challenge. Sometimes the box is filled with options;
these are welcome and easy, and the best one or two courses of action tend to
stand out. Other boxes may only have one option, there in the back corner of
the box, not always appealing but present and something I can take and move
forward with. Sometimes the single option is even welcome assurance that it was my only choice.
I am blessed to have led a life
which for the most part has featured full boxes; the world has been my oyster,
so to speak, and I have had so many opportunities to select whatever path I
desired to pursue. Somewhere along the line, though, I walked into that room
and I opened a box and I found it empty.
I panicked. I felt frozen. I didn’t
know how to move forward, what to do next. Up to that point, I
would go into that room in my mind, find the box labeled with the problem at
hand on the table, open it up and find the next step,
then I would take it out of the box and use my choice. Then the box, the
problem, would go away. For years that was my sanity: walk in, open box, view
options, make choice, take the next step.
After that first empty box, I
slowed down. I still used my room, but I now
knew that there was the possibility I would open a box one day and find nothing
inside. By the second or third empty box, I became wary and anxious of opening
my boxes- then of even entering the room. It manifested itself in my real life
by developing an unreasonable aversion to certain things that almost always
sent me to my room of boxes; I would avoid things that might notify me of a
problem or a choice so that I wouldn’t have to face the boxes piling up on my
table- what if one of them was empty? What if all of them were? (To my family who are reading this, I'll just say Email.)
When I had to deal
with the growing mess in my room of boxes, I reached a point where I would get
panicky just thinking about opening a box- a fear of the unknown. Most of the
time I would open the boxes and find my choices, my next steps, and I would
chastise myself for making so much of nothing- I'd gain some courage to
open another box, and another, knocking out challenge after challenge, relaxing
and building confidence UNTIL
I found myself frozen. The panic
and anxiety was worse than ever. In the real world, I would have a physical
panic attack, with hyperventilating, even crying, and I would go into a brief
state of denial, in my mind I would walk out and close the door to the room and
pretend it didn’t exist, and in reality I would block it out by watching a
stupid show or reading a novel, or cooking. The box wouldn’t go away, and eventually it
would get dealt with, often with a worse outcome for having been put off.
This story is not to showcase my struggles in a bid for attention or sympathy; I do hope that in being transparent, more people can feel comfortable identifying areas in which they need help, and realize that their "issues" do not define them; even the most "together" people have stuff going on they just aren't telling the world about. I hope it helps explain to people who do not deal with Anxiety what it looks like from the perspective
of someone who has experienced it long term.
I also want to share with those of
you who deal with Anxiety in your own lives what has helped me begin to
overcome it. First, I have come to realize that there is no such thing as an
empty box. I still have to remind myself of that before I open a new one, but
truly, when you think about it, there is no such thing as a problem or a
challenge with no next step. The next step might not always be appealing, but
it always exists- for all the boxes I thought were empty, I have never actually
had my entire life come to a halt; it always somehow moves forward. Sometimes the only thing in the box is prayer, but in my experience it is the best option I could hope for, and should be the first next step I take from any box. The second
important thing I have learned (with the help of wise counsel) is
that the boxes generally get less and less full the longer I leave them
unopened. The longer I wait to face my challenges, the less options I will have
for the next step.
If you struggle with anxiety, I
encourage you to share it with someone you trust. They may not understand
initially but I challenge you to take some time to walk them through it; it is
healing to feel like there is someone with you when you encounter particularly
intimidating “boxes”. If you don’t have anyone you feel comfortable processing
with, feel free to email me- I can’t
offer much more than an ear, but sometimes that’s just what you need!
Today I'm going to be a pretty casual and speak about something that has been rolling around my mind for quite some time now- Hell. Yes, that's right, H-E-double-hockeysticks. I suppose the "thesis" of this post would be...
I believe that Hell exists
^^^(Does Not Equal)^^^
I hope you go to Hell.
Allow me to explain. It seems that whenever I find myself in a conversation with a person whose philosophy of the afterlife does not include the Hell option, the underlying tone and occasionally stated feeling of the conversation is that in my owning that I believe that Hell not only exists, but is actually a place that certain people will end up, I am giving my personal consent to those people ending up there. This could not be further from what is happening.
Before I dive into what exactly I believe and why I believe it and even why it does not mean I want to damn everybody to Hell, I would like to explain the most bare-bones basic logic of this theology:
IF Hell exists, then it exists. IF this is the case, my belief (no matter how weak or strong) that it exists does not in any way solidify or confirm Hell's existence. Likewise, IF Hell exists, YOUR*** belief (no matter how weak or strong) that Hell does NOT exist does not in any way nullify Hell's existence. Regardless of either of our beliefs, it either exists or it doesn't.
In case this argument does not make sense to you, because the verbiage is somewhat repetitive, I will give a more tangible example:
IFa banana exists, then it exists. IF this is the case, my belief (no matter how weak or strong) that it exists does not in any way solidify or confirm the banana's actual existence. Likewise, IFthe banana exists, YOUR*** belief (no matter how weak or strong) that the banana does NOT exist does not in any way nullifythe banana's actual existence.Regardless of either of our beliefs, it either exists or it doesn't.
This statement holds equally true if Hell does NOT exist.
So here's the thing. It seems that most often, people who do not believe in Hell treat the beliefs of those who do in a similar fashion to that of the belief in Fairies in the story of Peter Pan:
Odds are good that I am losing you a little, it is a REALLY BIG topic and a lot of thinking to verbalize, but please, bear with me for another moment, and I'll try to be clear:
Nonbelievers in Hell often act as though the more I say I believe in Hell, or the more strong my belief in Hell is, the more real becomes- like the fairies. It's as if every time I own my belief that Hell exists, I am shouting in the person's face "I DO BELIEVE IN HELL! I DO! I DO!" and as a result, Hell becomes less a figment of my imagination and more a burning pit of justice.
Again I say, my belief in Hell and your*** nonbelief in Hell have no impact on whether it actually exists.
A particularly harsh truth that follows the same logic is:
No matter how hard you deny the existence of a banana, the banana's state of being will not change.
No matter how inconvenient the banana's existence is, the banana's state of being will not change
No matter how terrible the potential implications of the banana's existence are, the banana's state of being will not change.
To this point, I have been stating my logical defense for why I believe what I believe, and more importantly why that belief does not have anything to do with whether I think specific individuals will or should be damned to Hell. Now I will further explain why my belief in Hell has the opposite effect on my attitude about YOUR*** afterlife than seems to be most often expected.
I am a Christian. I have come to a point of hesitating to identify myself as such, selecting instead to say "follower of Jesus Christ" or similar, because so many broad stereotypes and labels have been associated with people who call themselves Christians. Here is what I mean when I call myself a Christian:
I believe in one God.
I believe in life after the death of our earthly bodies.
I believe in Heaven and Hell.
I believe that everyone sins.
I define sin as living in any way that is not in line with the holy character of God.
I believe I am a HUGE, WHOPPING sinner.
I believe you are, too (sorry).
I believe that God not only created, but really, REALLY loves all people- everybody.
I believe that God's character is strongly just, and that that justice carries through to there being consequence for sin.
I believe that the consequence for sin is death and Hell.
I believe that God loves people so much, He wanted to give us a way to avoid Hell, because we can't seem to stop stepping outside of that which is holy.
I believe that in His cosmic, bigger-and-smarter-than-me glorious logic, God determined that the best and only way to get around the perfect system of justice He established was to completely contradict the process.
I believe that to do that, God came to earth as His own son, 100% God but also 100% human, lived out a life on earth facing all the same temptations to sin that every other human faces, and remained holy. Then he underwent the punishment He didn't earn, but you and me and that guy over there earn on a daily basis.
I believe that this shook the foundations of the whole system of justice, and in doing so, God atoned for our unholiness- because Jesus Christ died, even though He was perfect, we don't have to!
And I believe that if we accept the gift that God gave us in this sacrificial atonement, we DON'T have to go to Hell! and we get to go to Heaven even though we totally don't deserve it (And I MEANWe).
But I also believe that we do have to accept God's gift of grace; He won't force it on us- that's part of free will.
So here's the deal. Now that you know exactly what I believe and why I believe it, I'd like to ask you to put yourself in my shoes for a moment. Imagine that you have the deepest, most genuine belief that Hell does exist, that people will go there for ALL of eternity, and that you know a way they can avoid going there. Wouldn't you tell them?
Taking that into consideration, answer me this: How much would I have to hate somebody if I knew all that and didn't at least TRY to tell them what I know?
If I truly believed you could go to Hell, and I truly believed I knew how to save you, but I decided not to tell you because it might make you feel uncomfortable or offend you, that would make me a jerk of literally eternal proportions.
So in conclusion, I hope you at least come away with this: Yes, I believe in Hell. Yes, I believe people go there. NO, I don't want you to go there. God loves you, and I love you, and that is why I am telling you about it- not the other way around.
I recognize that this whole post is potentially controversial. I am genuinely not trying to pick any fights, but to present my understandings to the best of my ability. I welcome your responses, though I urge you to remain civil. If you have any questions or interest in having a conversation with me about anything in this post, feel free to click the "Email Me" link on the right side of the page, or send an email to asksuzyadvice@gmail.com.
I try to minimize the Suzy's soap-box feature of this blog, but I do feel more strongly about this subject than any household tips, relationship advice or recipes. I will resume that content in the next post, though! Thank you for reading.
***By "your" I of course mean the hypothetical reader taking whatever stance is expressed, not literally you in the you sense, unless it happens to apply.
Hello my dear readers! I have been inspired to write today's post by recent events in my personal life. I hope that most of the advice I provide today might never be used by any of you, but I also hope that it saves anyone who uses it a lot of trouble. A few months ago, I was in a single car accident:
I made a number of choices before, during, and after the wreck. Some were good choices, some were not, and I hope y'all can learn something from those mistakes.
NEVER drive tired. The night before the accident I had a terrible migraine, and when I woke up for a very early morning class that day, I still had a bad headache and felt very unwell. I made two choices: first, that I would still go to class because I *had* to turn in an assignment, and second that I would drive the half hour commute rather than take the train so that I could get an extra 45 minutes of sleep. Halfway to school, I zoned out and started to swerve off the road, and upon feeling a change in the texture of the road, I snapped out of it and overcompensated, jerking the steering wheel to the right and throwing the car completely out of control.
Don't freak out if you start swerving out of your lane. Gently turn the wheel and get back into your lane- better you rub your tires a bit if you're that far over than pitch the entire car across three lanes of highway and risk rolling your car.
DO NOT TEXT AND DRIVE!!!!! I praise God that I did not even have my phone in my lap when the accident happened, or I would have never forgiven myself. That said, if I can swerve out of my lane with my eyes on the road, all the more times could the same accident have happened if I texted while driving. I can not tell you how many times someone has nearly sideswiped me or weaved in and out of their lane in front of me only for me to clearly see them staring at their phones, totally oblivious. It is DANGEROUS!!! It is no different than watching a movie on your phone while driving, or reading a textbook in your lap while driving, and I KNOW y'all don't do that- so why text?
Keep your hands at 4 and 8 on the steering wheel. This is actually a fairly recent amendment to the previously advocated "10 & 2" recommendation from drivers' safety courses, but they have in fact determined that you have at least as much control over your steering from the "4 & 8" position as the "10 & 2", and it is safer in the event of an airbag deployment. I can attest to this 100% because I had my right hand at 4, but I had my left hand at 10, and look at the difference between the injuries just two hours after the accident:
Three months later, the bruise on my left arm STILL isn't completely healed. In the event of a collision, this small change to your driving habits could save you a lot of pain.
If you are pitched or thrown during the collision, avoid moving until the paramedics get there unless your car is in immediate danger of being hit again. This is also good to know if you are ever the first passerby on the scene of an accident. The kind Samaritans who came to my aid after my wreck immediately pulled me out of the car and took me to the back, because the front-end was perpendicular to the left lane of the highway. However, I was notified by my doctor later that if I had had a neck or spine injury this could have caused major damage to me.
If you can walk, and you do not appear (by the paramedics) to have a concussion, major internal injuries, or major external wounds on the scene of the accident, you may want to call someone to pick you up and take you to the hospital or GP. Ambulances cost a TON of money, and that will often use up your entire medical deductible, if it is even covered by insurance. If the paramedics are not specifically recommending you be strapped to a gurney, it may do you well to get an alternative ride.
After a major collision, DO seek medical attention. After my wreck, I waited 12 hours to go to the hospital, because although I was badly bruised, I did not seem to have any deeper pains or broken bones. As it turned out, however, I did not merely have a black eye- I had fractured my eye socket in two places. Eventually this injury required corrective surgery.
Unless you have the money for another car in the bank, DO include collision coverage on your insurance. I made the choice to save about $200/year on insurance because I considered my car too old to be worth it. While I had liability insurance, this accident was my fault and only involved my car, which was completely totaled. I ended up spending $6000 to replace a car I had owned for 18 months, to save myself $300 on insurance.
DO keep your car clean. Save yourself a LOT of hassle, because if your car is a total loss you will have to crawl around inside and try to track down all those valuable papers and shoes.
Don't forget your stickers! I did not think about peeling off my TollTag or parking sticker from my windshield before selling the car for scrap, and I had to pay a fee to replace the parking sticker. I also ran a risk of someone taking and using my TollTag on a different car leaving it there.
One MORE!!!! ALWAYS have the phone number for a towing company in your wallet or phone! I just let the police call whoever they usually call, and the company charged me about $300 to tow the car less than 5 miles. That is exorbitant and ridiculous. When I called my own company to tow it from the appraiser to my house, over 10 miles, they charged me $75.
Anyway friends, these are the lessons I learned, and I hope it explains a little bit why I have been out of commission for a few months. Y'all stay safe, please!
(And by the way, in case you were worried I'm fine now- my face is totally healed with no permanent damage to anything)
Dear Suzy, I recently bought an enormous jar- no, barrel- of Nutella at Costco, BECAUSE I COULD. Now that the euphoria of my awesome deal has worn off a touch, WHAT am I going to DO with this glorious bounty of hazelnutty goodness?!?!?
Salivating,
Forsythe P. Jones
Dear Jughead,
I'm going to do this post list-style, and then you can ask for any recipes you'd like to try in the comments:
Frozen-nutella-dipped-banana-on-a-stick
Nutella Fondue
Nutella stuffed french toast
Nutella filled begnets
Ennumerable non-PG sexy applications I won't list here
Nutella filled croissants
Nutella mascarpone filling for cannolis
Warm Nutella over ice cream
Nutella Popsicles
Nutella truffles
Nutella cream Pie
Fruit tarts with Nutella cream filling
Nutella funnel cake
Nutella Pancakes/Waffles
Just plunge your whole hand into the jar like Winnie the Pooh does with a jar of honey
Nutella buttercream for a cake
Baked Brie with Nutella
Nutella cake
Nutella Cheesecake
Nutella chocolate Milk
Peanut Butter and Nutella sandwich (best on toast)
Nutella Bread
Nutella Mocha
A hot grilled cheese sandwich with a gooey milder cheese such as havarti or fresh mozzarella is delicious when dipped in Nutella
Pretzels & Nutella
Nutella Brownies
Nutella Cookies (optionally with toffee or hazelnut chips)
Nutella Souffle
Nutella Monkey Bread
Nutella Italian Egg Cream
Nutella Egg Nog
Nutella and strawberry sandwich
Nutella and Banana sandwich
Frozen Nutella Dipped Pineapple
Nutella Empanadas
Nutella Fruit Pizza
Peanut Butter Nutella Mousse Pie
Nutella Crepe Station
Nutella S'mores
Nutella as a dip for a Monte Cristo Sandwich
Nutella Biscotti
Nutella Molten Cake
Nutella and pear filled Filo pastries
Nutella French Toasted Quesadilla
Nutella Pots du Creme
Nutella Creme Brulee
Nutella Scones
Nutella 'Nana Puddin'
Nutella Oatmeal
Nutella Filled Cream Puffs/ Eclairs
There are so many more, but hopefully I've given you a few ideas to try for now. This post is a little shorter, but only because I anticipate your requests for recipes in the comments section, so I'll see you there!
Please write to me with your questions about recipes, romance, relationships, family, life... anything! Just click the "email us" link on the right hand side of the page, or email me at asksuzyadvice@gmail.com.
If you've been following my trilogy on Overcoming Heartbreak, you're here to read about the Spiritual aspect of overcoming heartbreak, which is really the most important side. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, feel free to scroll down to read the previous two posts which outline the Rationaland Practicalsides of the issue.
If it isn't obvious yet, this post will be strongly God-centric, so there's your disclaimer. I hope that even if you aren't "very religious" that you will read on, because there is so much great comfort and wisdom in scriptures, whether you "usually buy into it" or not- it may be a happy surprise to find relief for your heartbreak in an unexpected place.
I'll begin this by giving you the scriptural justifications for the advice I dished out for the Rational and Practical sides of this very quickly. Highlighted in blue like thisare verses I strongly recommend memorizing, so that you can recall them whenever they are needed (yes, I know they're all good, these are just exceptionally applicable).
1. Be near people:
"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!" (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10)
2. Find People to Lean On:
"As Iron sharpens Iron, so one man sharpens another." (Proverbs 27:17)
"Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ" (Galatians 6:2)
"Let us not give up meeting together... but let us encourage one another" (Hebrews 10:25)
3. Get Moving, Be Active, Go Outside:
"Light is sweet, and it pleases the eyes to see the sun" (Ecclesiastes 11:7)
"Physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come" (1 Timothy 4:8)
4. Give and Serve:
"A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed"
(Proverbs 11:25)
"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you" (Ephesians 4:32)
"Encourage one another and build each other up" (1 Thessalonians 5:11)
5. You'll Never Completely Forget, but That's OK:
"Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will bring me up" (Psalm 71:20)
"We do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all" (2 Corinthians 4:16-17)
"We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us" (Romans 5:3-5)
6. Don't Dwell, but Don't Run Away- Grieve and then Move On:
"Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy" (Psalm 126:5)
"There is a time for everything... a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance" (Ecclesiastes 3:1,4)
"I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me... This I call to mind and therefore I have hope" (Lamentations 3:19-20, 21)
7. Reclaim Your Joy- Don't Let Hurt or Bitterness Color the Things You Love:
"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things" (Philippians 4:8)
"See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many" (Hebrews 12:15)
So, what comfort can you have in God? Why should you turn to scripture and prayer when you are gripped with heartbreak and hurt?
"...everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the scriptures we might have hope" (Romans 15:4)
Hope. Hope and Joy are the difference between those who turn to faith in rough times, and those who turn to other sources of distraction or medication.
He brings rest and security:
"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge" (Psalm 62:5-7)
He gives patience and contentment:
"If we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently" (Romans 8:25)
He gives Boldness, Courage and Assurance:
"You have been my hope, O sovereign Lord, my confidence since my youth" (Psalm 71:5)
"Since we have such a hope, we are very bold" (2 Corinthians 3:12)
"I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death" (Philippians 1:20)
He gives Joy, Perseverance and Comfort:
"May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in you" (Psalm 33:22)
"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer" (Romans 12:12)
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit"
(Psalm 34:18)
Take joy in the knowledge that God has a plan and a purpose for your life:
"In Him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will" (Ephesians 1:11)
And He is Faithful, he isn't going anywhere:
"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness... The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him" (Lamentations 3:22-23, 25)
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit"
(Psalm 34:18)
There is soooo much more comfort to be had from the Bible, but to wrap this up:
"Praise be to God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have recieved from God" (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)
